I just can't get you off of my mind

[uRworthy]

Fy, I agree with T completely. When I read your post, I did not get that impression at all either.

Hope you had fun.

Doesnt serve you well to think like that, my friend.

Hang in there.

[ForeverYoung]

Hi Wr, I see you're new around here so I wanted to respond to your post.

My H has mentioned a few times he's happy I'm working on myself, I'll be better for my new boyfriend. I realize he wants me to get a new guy for a couple of reasons.

The first few months after BD, my wife would make comments about me getting a "real wife" and even pointed out possible candidates on several occasions! I would always say something like, "I'm married and not interested in a new wife".

Thankfully, she has not mentioned anything like that for many months now. Not sure why I worried about it today. Guess we all worry about stuff we shouldn't now and then!

Oh and all of a sudden he is driving a big ass four door, diesel with leather interior truck even though he still owes more than half on the Honda element we bought in November. A truck he has wanted for YEARS! Not sure where the element is OR how he can afford it. I casually asked where the element was and he quickly changed the subject......I think he knows that I would think typical MLC move and he is bound and determined to prove I'm wrong.

Spending money like it's going out of style is common with many spouses in MLC. Keep close tabs on it and take steps to protect yourself.

I've been lucky in this area. W is still more stingy than me, and I'm not a big spender by any measure. Oh, she buys more clothes now than she used to, but is still quite the bargain hunter even with that.

Hope you get to drive the fun new "baby"....enjoy it!

Oh, I will. We typically use "her" car for all our errands, and I'm the driver. My car is 8 years old but is still like new because it sits in the garage and I often ride my bicycle to work.

[ForeverYoung]

RH, TVS and uRw:

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, ladies. You were all correct!

W came home a little while ago, and in her usual manner told me lots of details about her night out. It turns out I had nothing to worry about. She even surprised me and asked how my event went.

I knew I shouldn't have let it get to me, but it did.

So I assigned myself to the chalkboard: Write 500 times, "No mind reading and no imagining the worst."

[uRworthy]

Fy, you get a pass. It happens. You're human. Dont be too hard on yourself.

Sometimes when you are in limbo for a long time, your mind can
see things that might not really be there.

[ForeverYoung]

Ok, wow, LOTS happened today.

Briefly: W was extra talkative this morning, happily told me plenty of intimate details about last nights outing with single GF and GF's man friend... it was almost like I was there. Plenty of eye contact, smiling and laughing.

Said GF was in the dumps last night because of issues she's going through with her brother. Brother is 50+, a drug addict and jail bird loser, trying to get money from the family. Said laughingly that the last time the three of them were together she (W) was the one crying, (no details why) and the time before that it was MF. Admits the three of them are messed up and have issues.

MF has been trying unsuccessfully to bag GF for years, asked W for advice. GF won't let him in, but still flirts with him. Details on last nights flirting were eye opening. He always pays for their night out too. W is starting to feel guilty about this and paid part of the tab on the sly last night. W often joins GF and MF on these outings. MF is one lucky SOB! (side note: W is hotter than GF, even though W doesn't think so)

GF asked W to join her on a Vegas trip. (FY thinks... OH NO!!!) W said she can't do it until after her busy work period, (2 more months) and she doesn't want to stay long or spend a lot. Also not into gambling. "maybe we can see some shows"

As you can imagine, W is more excited about the trip than I am. On the other hand, if it falls through or GF changes her mind, W will be fine with it.

W also told me about a long time co-worker who made big life changes. Recently quit his job of 30 years, to move out of state and get married. She admires him for being able to make a plan and move on with it... says she needs to do that soon or she'll end up 65 years old and stuck where she is. Did I mention co-worker is a gay male, marrying a female for insurance and convenience? He's a big FB'er and W is looking forward to following his updates.

As usual, I validated and encouraged her to keep talking.

GF came over to our house to pick up some vegi's we picked while at FIL's today. After a bit I joined the girls. GF is in the same business as me, so we had plenty to talk about and got along well. Afterwards W was very withdrawn. Went out the door with her new jogging shoes without a word.

Maybe she felt like I was trying to move in on her new life? IDK

Thanks for following, and as always, any comments, advice or jokes are appreciated.

[RosaLinda]

I just got home from work, FY, and am just catching up on everyone's weekend goings on. I haven't even finished reading your post but just wanted to say I was SO perplexed. Said to myself gee that's not at ALL like Forever to refer to someone as a MF, even a jail bird loser. Then OH, MF stands for Man Friend. Sorry

[RosaLinda]

I'm glad your dreadful imaginings regarding W encouraging you to go to the volleyball meetup turned out to be wrong. It hurts when they try to foist us off into a new marriage. My H did that to me too, suggesting several likely candidates. I wonder how they would have felt/reacted if we did seem to be taking them up on their suggestions. Not too happy I bet. 

Her reaction to you and GF getting along well with lots in common to talk about is interesting. I may be way off base, but think she would act angry and resentful rather than withdrawn if she felt like you were trying to move in on her new life. This seems more like sulking to me.  Maybe she did not care for the fact that her GF seems to like you? Jealousy?

[ForeverYoung]

Thanks Linda. Sorry about not being more clear on the MF=man friend thing. Oops!

You made a good point on possible jealousy. Either way, I'll be sure to make sure W knows I'm not trying to move in on her gig.

It seems GF knows very little about our sitch, or she never could have put up the act she did today.

[Whiterose]

Hi FY

Yup, I'm new.....let the roaler coaster ride begin (which is funny because he works in an amusement park and his office is behind a coaster) but anyway

He hasn't mentioned me getting a new guy in a while I think partly due to the fact one of our friends called him on it. She said "what are you talking.about? You know better! She's not like that and is not interested in other men just you!" So I'm gratefule that she did because is was getting ready to slap him one if he said it again Glad it was a false alarm for you as well!


The truck perplexes me. He says it's his brother in law's, and it could be, but why is he being so secretive about what happened with the other car?

Do you think that your W was upset because it felt "natural and pleasant" to interact like that with you and her gf? Like Linda said she could be jealous too....how easily you get along with the GF may have given her a glimpse of the future if you two actually D?

The whole admiring a gay man that married a woman for insurance while creating upheaval in his life is absurd. But, that's my opinion.

[ForeverYoung]

Thanks Wr.

The whole admiring a gay man that married a woman for insurance while creating upheaval in his life is absurd. But, that's my opinion.

That was my point. She's just looking at it through her MLC goggles right now. Gay co-worker was tired and unhappy with his present life, and had the guts to finally make a big change. He's a hero for even stepping out and trying, even if things don't pan out in the long run.

Even if I fall flat on my face, I feel like I have to try. (for something better)

My T2 approved clipboard says W is not nearly as depressed now as she was back then, but still feels the same regarding this comment.