One month down, zero casualties

[Raine]

AJ, I'm glad that I'm not the only one confused. My birthday was crappy. Christmas was crappy. He gave me a pair of socks, after I had given him gifts from the boys and one from me. Yay, socks! Anniversary and Valentines were not acknowledged in anyway. Mothers day was pretty crappy. He has had multiple trips since BD, and this is the first he has brought me anything.

He couldn't be around my parents while we were separated either. My guess is the guilt was overwhelming. Before all this he was close to both of my parents, as if they were his own. Granted this was a situation he was just thrown into to be in the car with my dad, but their conversation meant a lot to him.

I think he wanted to come home multiple times before, but he would never ask. He would hint, but that could be taken as something other than coming home. It wasn't until I offered, and I only did cause he had no where else to go. He could have found a place, and certainly could after 7 weeks. It may be because he doesn't want to lose the time with the kids, or it could be to stop me from D while he is still figuring things out, or avoiding figuring things out. I feel like he will not do anything until forced to. Until I do something forcing an action, then he will have a reaction. That has been the case so far. Which makes me feel like he will not try to reconcile with me until he has lost me. He will continue to hold onto everything. Just a guess. I'm not doing anything. I want it to be because he wants to, not because he feels he has no options. I think if it gets to the point that I take action, I may not turn back no matter what he does.

My mind reading sense still says he doesn't know what he wants. He just doesn't want to lose options, so he keeps a line to me. He may also be in a tightrope with me, sense any wrong move and I will be gone, hence his voice mail message he didn't realize he left where he was very upset.

He is still going through cycles of depression, and even though he can't shut down here like he could in his own place, he wants to be here. He can easily leave at anytime. There is a definite, strong connection to me. An approval seeking connection. It will be interesting to see if he continues to shave, because I happened to say I didn't like it.

Things just continue to move faster than I expect and in directions I'm not anticipating. T2 wondered if H stayed home a lot longer than most and didn't leave until he was closer to being done baking, like rH's H. That does make some sense when considering replay actions began three years ago. Things are way better than 8 months ago, but I still feel like we are so far away from "us" that I don't want to think about it or be dealing with all of these R type things that are being thrown my way.

Linda, I agree. Having the multiple OW has made it easier on me. The times I have been super upset is when I think he is connecting to one of them. But no, it's all very childish, and superficial and all about physical stuff. When stuff starts getting away from that, he turns off. Very predator like with both sides using the other.