Hoping for WAS to come home

[JaxFL14]

Stilllookingup,
Thank you for stopping in and offering your view. ESP from the female perspective. You are 100% right about the asking for sex. I guess at this point I'm so scared that she will want to fill that need elsewhere and that for me is a deal breaker. I told her early on that if she wanted to date someone else then I wanted the divorce. That's just me, I can't be married to some date/sleeping with another. And the lack of romance like you said was a problem. But I swear to you I tried so many things over the years. I left notes, had special dinners waiting, massage nights with candles... I really did. She just doesn't want to see that at the moment but I realize things still lacked. But that's where I would fall back to we have a 5,4 and now a 10 month old. Crazy times working our schedules with kids and money always low. (As I know most families go through the same craziness). I know I did wrong for YEARS by asking if sex was good for tonight? I should have just, as she said before, TAKE IT! Which I had totally changed and started doing about 5 months before all this happen and she responded really well to that. Sorry it to much info. My problem now was I guess since I feel like if we could start a physical relationship then it could grow to show passion and romance again, so I think asking her was just to see if she was open to it. But I hear you!! I'm done asking!!!!! Thank you! I need a well meaning slap now and again.
I have read 5LL and you know I find it so hard to know what here is. I wish I would have asked her to take the quiz when we were married and "happy". I would have to say I think it's quality time since that us what really lacked in our marriage. We have been on almost opposite schedules since we met and moved to FL and me working at the fire Dept and her going to work everyday I was off so we didn't have to pay for a sitter. And money being so low we never fit away as a couple for even a weekend or anything alone. Not that she ever asked to. I should have known we needed to keep our relationship fed. Lesson LEARNED!
My question for you now is as I don't talk about sex and def don't ask and knowing that she feels romance lacked, I should still detach totally and not pursue at all? And what I mean by that is maybe asking if she wants to grab some dessert or a drink every so often. It's like I want to try to date her I guess so I believe that's a big NO. I want so bad to show her romance without trying or insinuating sex. But this is not the right time.