Some people say, but I want to come here and vent a million times a day about [why she gave me her phone number], and I'm just venting and why do people tell me to stop obsessing, I have nowhere else to say this stuff...
I think it's good to come here and sometimes get told you're focusing too much on this thing you're venting about, so you can begin to train your thoughts to more productive avenues.
So vent away, but when your venting becomes a crutch that's keeping you stuck, be open to the 2x4s that might come your way. Been there.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Yes advina I hear you loud and clear. Thanks for not hitting me too hard with one of those 2x4's lol. I do appreciate what you said. Anyways, yes I think I was venting because I do know I have to back off. I understand the unhealthy thinking also Advina. As you know it's tuff to step up and do what you know you should be doing. At least in the earlier time of these sitchs. Guess right now I am concerned for when or even if we do have our first talk via phone to maintain that PMA etc etc. But will have to cross that bridge when/if it comes to that.
2old, if you want to know the answer as to why she gave you her number, she was reaching out to you. Remember though, just because you've got it - don't use it unless in an emergency. She's obviously got your number right? You didn't contact her so she contacted you That is a positive step forward! She wants you to have her number just in case you need it one day, when relationships between you are better. The WAS's are very confused at the mo. I know my H used to call this place home for ages after he left. He didn't mean it though as it was just a habit. Now though he calls it "your house" or "the house".
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Hi Trying180, I missed your first post today above about the talking to much with friends. I understand...Yes, W has my number and yes I think you are right that she was reaching out somewhat. And yes, my W is probably somewhat confused. She has a little bit of a history of being undecided and even a rapid change of mind from one position to another. Something I now can recall fairly well. And no, I am aware that I should wait and see if she initiates amymore herself. I'm wondering though if it were to go several weeks do I keep quiet still. Oh well, I guess only time will tell....
Hi Trying180, I missed your first post today above about the talking to much with friends. I understand...Yes, W has my number and yes I think you are right that she was reaching out somewhat. And yes, my W is probably somewhat confused. She has a little bit of a history of being undecided and even a rapid change of mind from one position to another. Something I now can recall fairly well. And no, I am aware that I should wait and see if she initiates amymore herself. I'm wondering though if it were to go several weeks do I keep quiet still. Oh well, I guess only time will tell....
Weeks? let's talk months! remember baby steps. Unfortunately that's how long it's going to take, so you've got to be patient If I can be patient then anyone can. I'm the most impatient person I know! lol. This is a challenge for me to be patient. Have you read DR or DB? If not I urge you to get hold of a copy of DR. It tells you all you need to know in there. I'm finding the goal setting hard as I keep changing them, but I hope to get there soon, lol. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it will take longer than a few weeks. The only time you can stop playing it cool is when she said let's give this M another try and even then carry on with the babysteps forward, don't try and be full on! Carry on making improvements to yourself, your home and surroundings. Be the best that you can be! Try doing a vision board to keep focused and positive. It's been a great help to me and gives me something to do in the evening (apart from coming on here of course, lol).
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Months huh? Well, the problem with that is she is only 9 weeks from being eligible to file for a D if this is what she intends on doing. I dont really know for certain if she plans to as she has never said the word D yet. Yet, all her motions so far has been moving in that direction. There has been some mention on these boards of not letting it go so long without contact in certain cases. But again, it's hard to make the right call. As you said, it is difficult for you not to contact your H. If I'm not mistaken your fairly confident he wont be filing anytime soon correct? I mean Trying, I dont plan on making contact anytime soon. but for now I guess I just have to be hushhhhhhh.....
Months huh? Well, the problem with that is she is only 9 weeks from being eligible to file for a D if this is what she intends on doing. I dont really know for certain if she plans to as she has never said the word D yet. Yet, all her motions so far has been moving in that direction. There has been some mention on these boards of not letting it go so long without contact in certain cases. But again, it's hard to make the right call. As you said, it is difficult for you not to contact your H. If I'm not mistaken your fairly confident he wont be filing anytime soon correct? I mean Trying, I dont plan on making contact anytime soon. but for now I guess I just have to be hushhhhhhh.....
He's mentioned he wants a D, but I've not heard anything from his solicitor so I don't know if he's filed yet. Even if she files for D, there's still hope. If it does happen, get yourself a good lawyer that will work for you and may be able to stop the D from happening! Some knowledgeable person told me last week that I should ask my solicitor for a mentor. He/she will be like an in between person who liaises between you and your spouse and gets down to the root of the problem of your M. Now I'm actually looking forward to hearing from his solicitor especially now that I know this bit of information. If you get a good mentor, then they will work to R you both and decide whether D is the best option. There has been some mention on these boards of not letting it go so long without contact in certain cases But you have initiated contact. You've answered two of her emails. Remember it's still early days and she may not be ready to talk to you on the phone. The phone number was just in case, remember that! Don't worry too much about whether she's going to initiate D or not. Just take one day at a time and see how things progress. She may even get to a stage in a few weeks where she's closer to you but not close enough for a R but close enough to not want a D. You don't know what the future is going to bring, so worrying about it is not going to help your health! Easier said than done I know. You wouldn't believe how many weeks I've spent stressing about hearing from his lawyer, but now I've got this added bit of information I'm not worried anymore
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I thought it was quiet, lol. Just kidding 2old Hope you're ok
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Been there.
If I can be patient then anyone can. I'm the most impatient person I know! lol. This is a challenge for me to be patient.