What's New: We have a big conference next week where we are supposed to hash out a settlement and it's making me really anxious. This may be one of the very last times I'll see her and I've been doing a lot of reflection. I've just confirmed with my L that I will actually be able to address her directly for the first time since February.
Need Help: I have some questions for you guys, especially the vets and any former WAWs that might be reading this.
I know that as a LBH, there's nothing I can say to change things. Her fog has to lift on its own. But I know my wife and I'm worried she may assume the worst about at me and think that I hate her, that I'm trying to screw her with the settlement, etc. I've seen her do this with her friends and co-workers where once they are on her bad side, she reads everything they do and say in the worst possible light.
1.) I really feel like I need closure and I need to apologize one last time, this time directly to her face at the conference, and let her know I don't hate her. Is there any point to this? Will it only harm any future hope at R? Divorcebusting is so hard when the WAW's complaint was not enough pursuit / engagement! What I am thinking is of saying is something along the lines of: "I am sorry things have come to this, but if this is what you need to find happiness then I understand. I know you're upset that I have a lawyer, but I didn't have a choice given the circumstances. I wish we could have done this amicably like we discussed at the start. Please know that what I am asking for in the settlement is not meant to punish you for leaving, it is just a business transaction and I am trying to look out for myself." Yes? No?
2.) My therapist (and myself) think there may have been an OM at some point for various reasons. I know the common wisdom on the internet is "once a cheater, always a cheater." Do you guys think this is true? I don't know if I do or not.
3.) How can I forgive myself for throwing my marriage away? I honestly don't know how.
