Blindsided

[chl0901]

Hi lost, thanks for stopping by! I am definitely making these changes for myself, too! Both the physical (working out) and my 180s (I don't like being a nag!). I read Sandi's rules several times a week and try to follow them as best I can. I am trying to maintain a PMA, which I think I've succeeded with for the most part, but am finding it really hard to detach to where H's actions don't affect me.

[chl0901]

Also, I am about to read a little more of DB while my H is out and before my S wakes up.

Weird thing happened last night: We were out eating with H's extended family, and they were asking about when we were going to have child #2 (gave a generic "maybe next year" answer). On the way home, my sister called to tell me about her dr. appt (she is pregnant). I was telling H about it when I got off the phone, and he said, "I think we should go ahead and have another one, to just get it over with." I told him I wanted to wait until after our vacation (we have had a vacation planned with another couple in Oct.). He kind of got an attitude, and said okay.

1) I don't want to "just get it over with."
2) I do not want to get pregnant when my H is not attracted to me (hello, weight gain!)
3) I do not want to get pregnant while H is still talking to OW (they still do not know that I know)!!!

[PatientMan]

Whoa. (But you have a very good perspective.)

-PM

[Mimi00]

I think you have the right idea, wait until your marriage is back on solid ground to have another child. Continue to make wise decisions regardless of your H's attitude.

One of my friends just announced she's getting a divorce... and that she's had a "sham of a marriage for a while"... but they had a daughter the first year and then a couple years pregnant again, with twins... now she's taking care of those 3 babies on her own.

[chl0901]

Thanks, Mimi, I would love to have another child with my H but want him to be there for me physically and emotionally before that happens.

Does anyone have any advice on how to work on not letting thoughts about H and OW bother me so much? I am trying not to let it affect me but it is driving me crazy and I cannot stop thinking about them. I haven't snooped lately, but I'm still consumed with jealousy and anger and I know he can see a difference in my body language when it's really bothering me. I'm trying to be the W only a fool would leave but this is affecting my moods and I don't want to sabatoge myself. I have known this OW since high school and she even attended our wedding! I knew I always didn't like her for a reason, but H has always maintained they are "just friends." And now look what is going on! I have not and do not plan to confront H about her but it's really difficult to not let it affect me. I understand that I need to keep working on myself (which I think I have been doing pretty well overall so far) and ride it out but it's just so hard for me. Part of me wants to confront H and kick his sorry cheating butt to the curb but most of me wants MY H back and to work it out.

And he's still acting like everything is "normal" and fine. Makes me sick!

[lost_hope]

Trust me chl0901! You def want to have H emotionally there for you while pregnant. I am going through H right now with dealing with this while pregnant. Plus as you say you know he has an OW. Could you really in good faith have a baby with him now? I wouldn't even be able to do it. Plus that baby deserves to be made in love not " to get it over with". That baby will be a little person and deserves much more than that. I hope you don't mind me saying all that.

[chl0901]

Yes, lost, I definitely agree with you. H was very supportive through my pregnancy with our S, and I couldn't imagine feeling like I do now while pregnant. Hang in there, I know it's tough for you! And, no, I don't mind you saying all that...I have very mixed emotions about all of this. We had been planning to try for baby #2 the end of this year anyway, so I've been mentally preparing for that for a long time now and it's disappointing that H is going through whatever it is he's going through right now.

Even with all of this going on, I am looking forward to our vacation in a couple of months. I'm hoping it will be a nice time and who knows, maybe will help bring us closer together (holding out hope!). I'm going to keep DBing and try not to let H and OW get to me too much until that time and re-evaluate everything after and see where we are then. Who knows, my sitch could be totally different in three months (not that everything will be better or anything, but maybe H will feel more attracted to me then and things could be different with OW then).

Woke up feeling pretty down this morning (just about the whole sitch), but am trying to keep up my PMA and be in a good mood (it's like halfway working)!

[chl0901]

Also, H is going to fly to a different state in a couple of months for a few days to visit his best friend and he had originally asked me if I wanted to join but I decided to stay behind with S because of the ridiculous airline ticket prices. He apparently did want me to go because he looked up prices out of a different city which were a lot more reasonable so now we are both going. I guess that is some kind of good sign, because he easily had the chance to go without me but went a little out of his way so I could join.

[JuneReN]

(especially since H never said anything about it - I'm gonna just need to let that go!).

Iexcept for H got really moody and quiet for a couple of hours in the afternoon so I just didn't talk to him (it would have annoyed him) and his mood had recovered mostly by the evening.

Just joined your sitch, but am sensing a pattern...are you?

[JuneReN]

So finally read everything whew !

I see you are calming a bit but the whole OW thing is still making you crazy. What are some options for you to deal with this??