Has Christine graduated to piecing?

[ChristineE]

I thought I got off this roller coaster! I think that I am going to throw up! Just as before, I need to keep telling myself not to take anything for granted...even reconciliation.
Thanks Carrie, Rj2, Karen and LNL for coming to lend your opinions. It is very helpful indeed.

I guess I want to be sure that his mind is not playing part of the fetish and his heart is being true to you with his answers. Can you tell the difference?

Karen, I have struggled with this quite often. I believe that. "most" of the time, H is sincere in what he says to me during our "fun" activities. I believe this is why he disconinued these activities during the alien invasion. As twisted as it may sound, I think our "scenarios" provide a door to communication that H cannot express otherwise.

Here's what has happened since I last posted. On Saturday, after our session that I mentioned in my last post, H took a nap for 3 hours. This concerns me because this is exactly what he was doing last year right before the bomb. In fact, he took 2 months off of work and did not seek medical help and mostly slept the entire time.

After he got up from his nap, he did some things around the house and I went to the store to get things for dinner. I took a long time, because of my Lasik, it was a bit more challenging than I thought. When I returned, he was crnaky for the rest of the evening. He was trying to argue with everything I said...even the most mundane things. We watched the two Final Four college basketball games together and I even think that he was cheering against my team just to be contrary. Btw, my teams, UConn men and women, both won and are in the finals. So, I was getting a bit concerned. Is he reverting back to his alien ways or am I overreacting? It sure started to feel like the alien days.

Even thought he was cranky, he still managed to stick to his deadline and pick a city for our weekend getaway. He said in this cranky manner that he didn't want to fly anywhere (even thought I have a gizillion airline miles) so he picked a beautiful resort town in the mountains that is about 2 1/2 hours from here. PUt one mark in the positive column.

Right before going to bed, I decided to test the waters a little. I started to mildly scold him and told him that I didn't appreciate his attitude and his arguing. He argued that he wasn't arguing (Hmmm???) I let it go and realized that he wasn't in the mood for a "discussion".

In the morning, I went into the guest bedroom (where he still sleeps) to check on him. He immediately told me that he felt guilty for the way he behaved last night and that I should go and get the belt (yeah, I know, he's crazy!). Needless to say, I really taught him a lesson about arguing and I added a few things into the mix. I told him in no uncertain terms exactly what I expect of him as an obedient H. In addition to not arguing or talking back and proper affection, I also expect to have a weekend get-away ALONE at least every three months and a one-week vaction ALONE at least once a year (I got this from Ellen Kreidman's CDs). He agreed and didn't say that this wasn't possible because of a potential S or D. This lasted for a long time and then we ML for a long time.

In the afternoon, we went to get my birthday present (a digital camera) and to run other errands. At this point, I was thinking that he definitely had reverted to alien mode. He was sooooo cranky. I was overwhelmed by the camera selections and I was having a hard time reading the specs on the individual cameras so I told him that he could choose the camera. He refused and said that, since it was "my" camera, I should pick. We went to do some other errands and he was just plain nasty. On the way home, you could cut the tension with a knife. This was extremely reminiscent of alien mode. I just acted "as if". We got home and he took a nap (again).

After his nap he was pleasant again. In fact, he complimented me on the Snapper Vercruz that I made for dinner and he seemed to be out of his funk. So now comes the weird part. He starts asking me about the refinance on the house. He was asking about his credit score and several other things as if he was part of the equation again. He said that he had faith in me to get the best deal on refinancing the house for us. So now my head is spinning!!! Didn't he just say on Friday that he wasn't going to be part of the refinance because he was leaving? Does he have brain damage? As usual, I acted "as if".

He went to bed before me and, after about and hour, he emerged from the bedroom with the brush in his hand. He handed me the brush and said that he had behaved terribly today and that he would accept whatever consequences that I deemed appropriate. So I let him have it with the back of the brush on his bottom. I told him during all of this that I am putting my foot down and that I will not accept this type of behavior. I made him promise me that his terrible behavior of a couple of months ago will never be repeated. I told him that we should go and buy a special belt for our weekend trip. He agreed to all conditions. I guess we'll see how serious he is. He kissed me, thanked me and said ILY and sent him to bed.

Such is my crazy life! I guess that it is true that psychologists are crazier then their patients. At this point I don't know if he is staying or leaving. If I had to take bets, I would say staying, because he has been saying that he is leaving since November. He also said this weekend that he was still at a crossroad in his life. Maybe he is questioning his decision to reconcile (or maybe he never made that decision).

I have decided to do more 180s because the old 180s have become the norm...so it's time for more change. Gotta keep shaking things up and remembering what worked before.

Christine