Fantasy meets Reality

[Notlikingthis]

FY, Thanks for the encouragement. I do think that the fact that he keeps talking to me is a good thing in most ways. It's hard to listen to but I'd rather know where his crazed mind is at than to be kept in the dark.

I'm rehearsing those lines that you posted as we speak! Very appropriate and thought provoking for him. I see him as confused as well but then there is the pull of the ow. She is definitely in this for the $$ and a free ride.

He's turned over the "love nest" budget to her. He tells me that it's not a test of her budgeting abilities but I know that is exactly what it is. She has a history of bankruptcy and has an Imelda Marcos sized shoe wardrobe and in general is a shopaholic. I can see the finances and the amount of money that he's allotted for expenses is reasonable. It's in a separate bank, thank God and I'm still checking our separate finances several times a day to be sure than none of the "real money" has been touched. It may take her awhile but at some point she is likely to blow the budget money on herself instead of bills. That will be the wake him call that he needs.

I've been keeping up with your situation and I'm seeing some very positives things happening there. She may be saying one thing but her behavior indicates something totally different. You are so patient and so GOOD at this. I admire you and how you've handled not only yourself but your w and her insecurities. She is a lot like my h in that she really doesn't want to leave or end your marriage. In both cases, I believe that time is all that they need to make it back to reality. Without counseling it will be hard for her. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she comes to that realization very soon.

Thanks you again for the suggestions and your thoughts. It helps me immensely to have specific "lines" to rehearse ahead of time. I feel armed and dangerous now. LOL!!!!