To little Too late

[adinva]

I took so long typing on my phone that i didnt see Hope's reply ahead of mine. When i said those sound like goid next steps i was referring to your suggestions, sandis rules, reread dr, read 5LL. Those sound good. I agree with hope that its best to go dim now while your D is away. Give your w loads of space right now to avoid looking like youre pursuing her.

Its tough if absence was a flaw of the marriage, to use absence as a db tool. Db is solution based, try something for a while and if it doesnt have a positive effect, try something else. Maybe use this time to go start your new hobby, be surprisingly occupied and pleasantly busy, and insert one brief option to do something together for amusement, to see if this gets a positive response. Not constant, not daily, just one invitation in a week of mostly being out getting a life.

In the weeks after my bomb, both my kids went away to camp and i was stuck home with my h and my fragile emotional state. I took the break from parenting and did a major physical thing every day, and breezily invited h. "H," i said, i'm going on a long [hike, bikeride, workout at the gym]. Wanna go too?" He went about two times and we chit chatted but almost entirely stayed off the subject of what was happening with us.

You can see from my sig that did not bring us back together. What it did do, though, was show my H that every time we were together wasnt going to be an emotional painful discussion with tears. I was still a human, and fun to be around, and he was welcome to sit at home glum but i wasnt going to. It was good for me. It helped our sitch because h didnt feel he had to keep being mean to me for me to "get" how done he was.