One month down, zero casualties

[RosaLinda]

Raine, are you okay? Have you heard from H?

[Wonka]

Give me some examples of what it would look like? What things to try? I was of the mindset that not much of what I did mattered in this.

What I had in mind in respect to jotting down ideas in your Oracle were the times, days, that H initiated phone games, when he was feeling low, or any weird stuff. This will provide you some helpful clues to gain insight in what's happening with H. I am pretty sure that you'll clearly see what specific patterns emerge and then you'll be able to adjust accordingly. Sort of anticipating the enemy's movements [OW1 or OW2) will give you more of an advantage in DBing H. It seems to me that doing this will aid H greatly in the reconnection phase.

My dear Raine...it does matter A LOT what you do in the reconnection phase!!

Shaving his face off seems to suggest that H is ushering a new chapter in his journey. Out with the old, in with the new. Even if it means one last "hurrah" with the OW2, he may be feeling the pull to return to the M. He seems to need more time to figure out that part for himself and you DO play a key part of the process.

[Raine]

Hey Linda I'm doing okay...I think.

Okay, Wonka I can do that. He iniates games every night. But some nights might than others. Sometimes just the games he plays with lots of people and not the ones only with me. so I can distinguish between that. I don't know that we are near that reconnection phase. I know he shaved for her. She told him to. He told me he is going to grow it back. We'll see. He is going hard core bouncing between all the ow now. Lied about his flight and saw ow1 tonight. He could have gone camping.

One last binge hurrah? Please? Not likely.

[uRworthy]

Raine, I am sorry, really.

And now that I "know" you, I want to shake your h.

I will tell you, though, that it is not unusual for the MLCer to take steps backward before moving forward.

As I have told TVS, you know when you were a kid and you wanted to jump over a huge puddle? And you had to back up to get a running start? Kinda like that for them.

I know that doesnt help take away the hurt or frustration you are feeling.

I think you are right for checking out for a bit. Time to regroup.

I am thinking of you, my friend.

[RosaLinda]

Thank you for this explanation Wonka [i]"What I had in mind in respect to jotting down ideas in your Oracle were the times, days, that H initiated phone games, when he was feeling low, or any weird stuff. This will provide you some helpful clues to gain insight in what's happening with H. I am pretty sure that you'll clearly see what specific patterns emerge and then you'll be able to adjust accordingly. Sort of anticipating the enemy's movements [OW1 or OW2) will give you more of an advantage in DBing H. It seems to me that doing this will aid H greatly in the reconnection phase."[i]

i have decided to try this too Raine. Betsey called it a "solution journal." You know, what we try and the result. Your H really seems to be trying to wind down, cut himself off from these OW. And reconnect with you. It's hard for him, harder for you. Keep reachingHigher's sitch in mind - her H's "backslides" into replay, but becoming less and less frequent. 

I hope you have a good weekend. Peaceful and fun. Hang in there, you may be losing the battle but you are winning the war! I wish we had a "heart" emoticon' <3

[Raine]

Hey Wonka are you in the alternative universe?

Linda I'm so ready to jump months ahead from now and know what exactly this is. I'm taking two steps back myself right now. I'm staying away from the hills...foe the most part. Hope you have an awesome weekend!

[Wonka]

I've elected not to join the alt universe...probably one of the rare breeds not to. I just don't want to hear how many times a person poops a day or how many paper clips a person can connect from one end of the room to another. Not my style.

So there's an actual OW2 and she asks H to shave. Hmmm....very odd. I'm perplexed by this. Definitely in replay...probably bouncing between replay and reconnection.

[Raine]

Hahah Wonka you crack me up. I like being able to keep somethings on the downlow. I worry I've shared too much public as it is. Alternative
universe is "private" from personal life too. I haven't seen any crapper stories yet, but anxiously awaiting my first now that you mentioned it.

There is an ow2 and 3 and 4. 1-4 all PA. I know of two additional EAs, 5 & 6. I have suspecions of PA 7 & 8, but no evidence on those two. #3 and #6 seem to be completely out, and have been for several months. #5 is in a new relationship, so likely out. OW2 is who he hooked up with in 2010 for limited physical. I found that out after ow1 who started mid 2012. Ow2 has been sporadic encounters during business trips. My guess is he has been in replay 3 years now with this last year being very intense replay.

I have no proof of ow2 hookup on this last business trip, just the plan to and the shaving. I do know that he lied about return flight and saw ow1 for a few hours. No idea what that visit entailed.

My game play has slowed. Back to pretty dim. Today he is anxiously engaging me, talking to me none stop, like if he stops ill leave the room. I was gone most of the day. He spent most of the day with my dad, helping my family. He asked to have friends over tonight if I would be there and i said okay.

He shaved again this afternoon
He brought me multiple gifts back from his trip (rare even before bd)
He was talking "us" future around me and in convo with my dad
He told me a bunch of stuff he talked about with my dad which made H really happy. Like they were great friends. Dad and adult son. My dad knows to stay out of this and any talking about me and H. Several things my dad said, meant a lot to H that he would share them and talk about them with him.

So everything as clear as driving in the rain.

[AJM]

Hmm...Interesting. Brings you gifts when he comes back? I know what you say you're feeling, but it sounds like he is thinking of you a LOT. Seems out of character for a MLCr to think of anyone but themselves when out of sight. Is he trying to maintain the R while dealing with the other "cr*p" he's got going on? Not that it's ok, but wondering...

Peace,
AJ

[RosaLinda]

The gifts and talks about you two in the future do seem positive Raine. All those OW, holy cow. The spring and summer before my H and EA1 broke up, he befriended multiple divorced or widowed Russian female language partners. Seven or eight of them. He wrote the exact same things to each one, pottraying himself as a lonely unloved man married to a cheat and liar, who he nobly stayed with for the children (actually in their 20s and 30s at this time). They all claimed to fall for him, and a torrid email exchange followed. I was seriously upset and snooping, but every relationship fell apart within 2-3 months. I finally decided the more, the merrier. If he was telling so many he loved them, he probably did not care about any. Maybe it's the same with your H?