Hi NLT! (I still like that name!) Sorry to hear H moved out and is talking about filing.

First of all, you are NOT a DB failure! You're doing great... the best you can right now.

I keep looking at the 34 years you all have together, and the fact that like my W, your H opens up to you even still. He's connected to you girl, he's just massively confused right now.

You said you're not ready to file, and it sounds like he mostly wants to do it just to "be fair to you". Sure, OW is pushing him to D too, but who cares about her. She'll burn him and their relationship soon enough. Continue to let him know you are ok. Stall him from filing any way possible. We all know his fantasy relationship is doomed to failure.

No matter what he says, there is still some doubt in his mind whether or not jumping ship to OW is a wise move. PLAY ON THIS!

Things I would say:

If you're sure this is best...

Well, if you think so...

and my favorite:

I'm sure you'll figure everything out.

He's looking to you for response. Plan your words ahead of time! (and rehearse them)

The fact that you've posted much less than some of us have tells me that you're much stronger than you think.

I also wouldn't allow him to tell you that D is for your benefit. Next time he feeds you this line assure him that you know what's best for you.

You can do this NLT, Bust On!

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl