To little Too late

[adinva]

I read back from the beginning, and I guess what bugs me is you're here in DB and what you have tried so far is "trying to convince her" and "giving up and making the ultimate sacrifice." Neither of those is DB. Why not try giving your marriage a chance?

Trying to convince is what most of us do, pre-DB, before we find out that it is exactly the opposite of effective.

The way you describe your attitude of giving in, sounds like you don't have any intention of looking deeper, listening and validating your wife, and doing some hard work on yourself to be a man only a fool would leave. Rather than do that hard work, you are choosing to capitulate completely and I would bet that the loveless fake weekend happy family routine is going to generate more resentment and deep unhappiness in both you and your W.

Have you read DB? I really think it is an amazing way of navigating the devastating rejection by your spouse, amazing because it turns devastation into opportunity, and because it gets you out of the role of being part of the problem, part of why your marriage failed. It gives you things to work on and learn from. It can cause your W to reconsider when over time she notices you aren't really the way she had built you up in her mind as.

Is there anything you might want to learn to do better in your intimate relationships, anything you would like to do differently starting now? Five Love Languages is very eye opening.

I encourage you, for the sake of your daughter, to not live your life entirely sacrificed and devoted to her. That is a lot of pressure on a little person. She needs a dad who is his own person, whole, confident and healthy, to teach her how to be her own. Even though you think you're putting on a convincing act for her, wouldn't it be nice to be real for her and teach her real life with grace and love?