snodderly, I anticipate the same. Xh has told the judge "I don't care where she lives. I'll just see the boys when I can." He can file a motion, but he won't win. He hasn't once asked for physical custody. He's been demanding a sale of the house, so he's getting what he wanted. He hasn't cared about where the boys live even though he's been told it would be best for them to stay in their home. At great sacrifices I tried to make that happen, but xh sabotaged my efforts. So, the boys and I will start over and maybe he'll finally see all that he's lost. We'll be gone, the house will be sold, the legal fight will be over.
I may be off the mark here, but in reading your posts of recent I get a sense that you feel some threat to your emotional well being with the bullying from your H. I can totally understand this. I feel this way too right now, although for different reasons. I really don't feel "safe" emotionally right now with H especially on a one on one basis. It's hard for me to explain. And has nothing to do with physical safety what so ever. It's maybe feeling too vulnerable. So with that in mind, I have been working on some new boundaries with respect to my H. I have really benefited from the discussion on these boards about how and when to set boundaries. Why they are for us and not to be used as punishment or for manipulation.
In my case, I no longer do the "family dinners" we once had with the five of us. I encourage our boys to spend time with H but I don't participate. My boys are older 19,21,23. If H plans to be at the house, I make sure to be gone. I only answer texts or emails relative to the boys or the house. My H all along has wanted to be "friends". I told him I could not promise that now. (I know our circumstances are very different) But my point is that setting stricter boundaries for myself helped me feel more protected emotionally. And in your case whatever boundaries you can set for yourself and enforce I think would help you to feel less vulnerable and more empowered. So you don't feel at the mercy of every whim of his bullying. I dont' know if this makes sense or not, but for some reason your emotional place resonated with me.
And now, I can kind of see that a physical move but actually be very helpful for you. The physical distancing might be good. Maybe it will also be easier for your boys, to be farther away from him. It will be a natural reason for if and why they are not seeing him much. May be harder if your H was close by and did not see them.
Stay strong and beautiful. My own adopted motto. Best,
BM, it will be sad to move away from my parents, especially while my mom is sick, however my first priority is my kids and giving them the very best that I can. My parents understand that. They moved away from my extended family when I was young. Xh's behavior has caused trauma throughout my family. It will give my parents peace knowing that the boys and I are finally settled and are near friends that love us.
BM, the frustrating thing is the house is not too expensive. I just don't have a support order and am struggling without it. I also can't refi the house into my name with that order. Xh and his attorney know all of this. Rent in my area is higher than my mortgage.
I found out xh is trying to block my move and travel plans. I was hysterical when I found that out. I am sick and tired of him controlling me. My attorney can take care of the travel plans, but now I will have to get a move away order from the court which will take months. I won't move the boys in the middle of the school year so I'm stuck. The court just keeps enabling him. He was granted his D and I still don't have a financial settlement or support order which keeps me in a precarious situation. He can live and travel wherever he wants. He could even abandon me and the boys and there was no law preventing it. There's just something really wrong with the state I live in. There are no values or morals.
I am desperate for encouragement. It's insane that I have to take medication to deal with this idiot.
GM, I am so sorry to hear about the latest antics of your h. The court should be focused on his mental health and anger issues instead of enabling him. Who is protecting the rights of the children to have a safe and stable home to live in. Your h is not just mean but he is crazy!
You are absolutely correct, the divorce laws in your state need to be totally revamped. Children and the custodial parent need to be the first priority.
I'm sending hugs and prayers to you tonight. I'm here if you need to chat or vent tonight....I'm having trouble sleeping as well.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
WH, two attorneys have tried to get a decision on support. They both felt that agreeing by stipulation would give me a better number then letting the court decide. It's been a very difficult way to go, especially since xh is less than transparent. So many times I've wanted to open a case with the DA's office and let them investigate xh and garnish his wages.
