Two years in limbo, it's a fine place

[adinva]

Thanks Betsey! Yeah, prickly roses, that's what I have too!

My older son avoids H like the plague and trash talks him to friends. However, my parents didn't get divorced and my dad wasn't verbally abusive and I still did the exact same thing. Teenagers, ah!

My younger son seems pretty complacent but when he's been around H for a little while he's all scabby from sores he picks at on his face and arms, so it's a different kind of rebellion. Wellbutrin has made a world of difference for him. He doesn't have the pack of rebel friends to work stuff out with.

I would sometimes be happy if H just disappeared off the face of the earth. He is difficult to deal with. If I didn't have kids I would be long gone at this point, and really wouldn't have any compulsion to communicate to him at all. He had said at the beginning that we'd be friends, but my friends look me in the eye, my friends are happy for my fortune and care about my misfortune, my friends ask me how I'm doing and listen when I talk. H doesn't act in a way that rises to my definition of a friend. I would be his X, not his friend, unless he got a lot more connected.

Since we have kids, I enjoy the perfectly pleasant way that he is around me, when he's helping with the car or the handyman type stuff or taking the kids when I can't. He's like a pleasant neighbor, the one people say later "kept to himself, seemed like a nice guy." But if I ask questions about what's going on in his life he's abrupt or evasive. He does not ask me any questions. I can do this for the kids but I wouldn't bother if not for them. I feel sorry that I picked him for a dad for them, honestly, but I guess he was a necessary part of their being who they are.

FWIW I wrote him back in a friendly manner:
"Wow, lots of news. I hope it all goes well for you. I'll mention to the kids that you're moving to ___ if you want me to."
to which he said
"Yep, let them know. I'll have to put some stuff in the basement storage area because the room I am moving to is smaller than the room I have now. I'll get rid of some stuff from the basement storage area too. There are boxes of things in there I don't need."
I wrote and deleted a comment that the guns should move out as soon as practical but his other stuff was welcome in the storage area. I decided not to use this particular opportunity to ask for something he's not in any position to accommodate, so I said:
"OK, you're welcome to use the storage area, just let me know when you're coming and going."

I hate that the guns are here, but I installed a combo lock on the storage area so the teenagers would have to work even harder to even be in the same room as the locked safe. I know they can't get into that stuff, but I'd feel safer knowing it wasn't even here. Oh well, it's here and it's locked up, and that's the best I can do. When I was feeling more irrational a few months ago, I thought the guns were safer here than in H's possession. I don't know what might send him over the edge and do something out of character. The whole past 3 years have been out of character. Anyway, right now I believe we are as safe as could be expected, so I'm letting this slide.