So, you think it is best for her to teach her that she should stay in a dead marriage. She should stay in it forever and expect to give and receive no love or affection. You would advise her to live basically separated but living together in a charade because that is the only way she can prevent her child from being hurt?
Does it look different when you look at it that way?
How are you going to prevent any of the other hurts that come in life? Will you allow her to date and risk being hurt by her first love? Will you allow her to apply for college and risk not being accepted to her first choice? Will you prevent her from trying anything difficult so she doesn't have to face the disappointment of failure? Will she be better off if you can prevent her from being hurt?
Does it look any different thinking about that?
I spent a good long while fighting tooth and nail against divorce because I didn't want my kids to be hurt either. Unfortunately divorce is not the worst kind of hurt for a kid. Unfortunately also, you can't guarantee that your child is going to be better off for your sacrificing your happiness. Your child learns all kinds of things from you, including what you do when things don't go your way, what you do when you've tried everything you can, what is OK to live with in a marriage. How many of us went into marriage a certain way because that's what we knew from our parents? I don't know, but for me I did. What will your daughter learn from your situation?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
