Before I forget, if you're not the praying type, do your visualization a in a way that makes you comfortable. Many of my friends meditate and visualize the outcomes they desire. Same thing, different way of asking.
Score keeping definitely allows bitterness to creep in. Sometimes you just can't help it. I still do too, particularly when my XH goes on those long travel excursions for work back to DC. I know he hates them, but they always seem to occur at the most inconvenient times. If I didn't own my own business it might not seem so intrusive. Anyway, you just have to manually force yourself to change gears.
It IS doable, and I'm no mother Teresa. My sole motivator was to make sure I didn't poison the relationship he had with the girls. I did it for them. But I also realized later that it benefits all of us. It didn't happen overnight. But it WAS a consistent set of choices.
Besides, the elephant in the room is that maybe your boys won't want that relationship with him. If they choose that, at least you'll know they weren't using you as the excuse. If D19 were the ages your sons are, I think she would be a whole lot less accepting of her dad and his choices. I also doubt she would want to be emotionally close to him. She's kind of a prickly rose, that one.
Anyway, you're doing fine, friend. Keep plugging away. I swear it gets better. It just takes time and sometimes for a door or two to close so new ones can open.
Have a great weekend-
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
