Hey Christine--Here I was coming over to thank you for ongoing support, and I get hit with thong talk. I'm sick of thongs and all this thong talk is getting under my skin. W started wearing thongs AFTER she decided she didn't love me anymore. Now I get to see them on her a few seconds a day and wonder if anyone else is seeing them (other ladies, however, please note I DID notice).
Anyway, if you ring me in New York, you're buying the first round!
Christine, thanks so much for posting on my thread. I appreciate the visit -I'm not worthy.
It was your jump to piecing and your story that gives me the faith that it WILL work for me. The post from ogda about piecing being a self fulfilling prophecy was what made me want to jump over here along with a few of my friends. I hope it's true and we do fulfill our prophecy. Posters like you help make it easy for all of us. Thank you again.
You two have been with me from the beginning. You have been there for me in my darkest hours. I have seen both of you grow to become such warm and understanding men. You will see that women are drawn to those qualities.
I've finally decided to go for C. Through my whole ordeal, I didn't go to C. I felt that I didn't have time to explore my neuroses and delve into my childhood. I needed results quick, so I focused on Db coaches and this MB. During the alien invasion I had made myself numb in order to cope. Now that my H and I are back on track, I'm starting to have resentful feelings and I don't want these feelings to creep out in unhealthy ways. My H still doesn't know that I know about A. This is a biggie for me.
I am starting to recognize my DBing as an ongoing process. Let me illustrate. Shortly before the bomb, I was informed that my job was ending and that I would be reassigned (at least I didn't get laid off). I used to travel every week and I have a storage unit in Texas. H had agreed to go to Texas with me to help transfer the stuff out of storage. Then the bomb dropped and I was afraid to remind him. He probably would have said "no" anyway...that alien was really nasty.
The stuff is still there in storage and several weeks ago I reminded him about going to take care of it. He remembered and was very agreeable (no alien residual there). He said that he would prefer to go on a weekend and so we picked March 13. On Thursday, March 11, he said that he didn't feel like going and we should go next weekend. I reminded him that D13 was going to be on Spring break and would be home with us from school (her other mother lives in Colorado and D13 goes to school there. We have joint custody so she is with us whenever she is not in school). H asked that, if we could postpone the trip, then he would make it work next weekend. I didn't question this (I used to question him about these things) and just agreed.
Well, as it turns out, we really didn't do anything earth-shatteringly important this past weekend and, as H was looking at the calendar, he announced that he wouldn't be able to help me with the storage because D13 would be here and there was a basketball game that he wanted to go to. Argh! I was feeling very let down. I have put this storage thing off too long and now it must get done soon. I felt that he was leaving me in a lurch. I felt that he was being very insensitive to me and my time schedule. H is not a planner at all and I had warned him that there was a time conflict if we postponed. I didn't say any of these things to him. This would be more of the same for me. I decided to think about it before I addressed any of these issues with him. I wanted to think about what a good DBer should do.
As it turns out, not being reactive was the right thing to do (big surprise). On Sunday, H was being playful and I got into my "sassy" mode. H encouraged it and I said in a playful tone, "I think you take things for granted around here." He says in a playfully submissive tone, "Oh no, Christine, I'm sorry, I don't want you ever to think that." I sassily reply, "Well I do and I think you have been insensitive by reneging on your promise to go with me to Texas. How dare you leave me in a lurch!" Now you have to understand I wasn't nagging him. This was playful...kind of like bad acting and overly dramatic. It kind of took the edge off but I got my point across. He submissively said (again, picture bad acting), "I'm really sorry, Christine. I'll make it up to you by canceling the bball game and D13 can go with us."
Well how do like that? My wonderful H actually coming up with a solution. I guess I've underestimated him. Many lessons learned here. 1. Don't overreact. 2. Don't try to control everything. 3. Don't underestimate H's abilities.
BTW, we ended up ML after this interraction!
Put another mark in the DB column!
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Christine, wow, I just popped over from your thread and read some of BillM's thread. Both of you are great, and I can't thank the two of you enough for serving as guides for the rest of us. Like Rottzilla, I'm feeling tempted to make the leap over to piecing, hoping for a self fulfilling prophecy. Reading the threads of people like yourself who have really taken Michele's work to heart gives me lots of hope. BTW, the whole thong thing has been great reading... When my wife is hanging out around the house in her dainty italian finest, I just melt like butter.
You really are an expert DRer now and it looks like its for life!
Funny, your story reminds me of a thought I had last night and an observation I have made. I've known this all my life but in these hyper tense situations it is even more important. Diffusing these times with positive reinforcement, compliments, playfulness, and humor are so important and yield much better results. Not only does it take the pressure off them, but it shows how mature you are as well! Great job!
The proverbial honey draws more flies than vinegar.
I think IC is great for personal enrichment as long as you feel your IC is aligned with your objectives. You know how dangerous they can be to someone that is questioning their own position. Make sure they support your objectives, you are the client, not them.
Lots of others have felt the resentment once piecing has begun, I really think Sage and Talista have great attitudes. Underdog too, she is great.
Rotzilla, Renew and Seattle thanks for your input.
Seattle, yes you are right to be cautious about C. In fact, up to this point I was against it. A bizarre coincidence happened in my C search (even though I'm starting to believe that there are no coincidences anymore). I looked over the list of providers that my insurance covers and I called a couple and left messages. I liked the announcement on one of the answering machines...something about positive relationships. He called me back and the first question I asked was if he was familiar with Michele and her work. He said "Yes, I prefer it over all others." Well that sold me and I have an appt on Wed. We'll see how it turns out. I'm still a bit hesitant, but let's see what this brings.
This evening, H suggested that we go out and celebrate my bonus. I let him pick the restaurant and we had a nice time. After we came home he fell asleep on the couch. It seems that he is back to his "depression and no energy" mode. I still wish that there was something that I could do, but he refuses to take anti-Ds and I know that this is his demon that he must conquer. I will be here to hold his hand, but I can't save him. This I've learned from DB and at least he isn't wanting to run away anymore.
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Dbing has tought me to be "cool as a cucumber". I'm holding on tight to this rollercoaster, but here we go again. I'd like anyone's take on this.
After H went to bed (after sleeping for about an hour on the sofa), I noticed that his cell phone was flashing. Yes, I did it...I admit! I looked to see who called and guess who? That's right the OW! She called while we were out to dinner but she didn't leave a message. The phone was flashing because I had left a message in the afternoon that he never checked.
I sincerely thought this sitch was over. I know that one phone call doesn't mean much but I can't help but wonder. No, things are not bad like they were when she was involved, but I drive myself crazy with wondering if he called her first or what. I know what you all are going to say...it's the same thing that I have posted to others myself. I shouldn't dwell on it. I can't control it. Just keep working on being the best "me" I can be etc., etc.
Ok I feel better already that I was able to get this out on the BB. I'll just have to monitor closely.
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Tough issue. You're strong, Christine, you give good advice. Keep your good advice for yourself and don't worry about it. With the way H has been acting, I cast one vote for "she is calling him because she is an insecure woman."
Christine, with your fabulous DB attitude, you don't really need me to tell you this, but I will throw it out there anyway because it is a mistake I made not once but twice (some of us are slow on the uptake).
Don't overreact in any way. If he mentions the call or OW, listen to whatever he has to say but don't react right away. Stay cool as a cucumber. Do NOT let any emotions get to you. If he doesn't mention it, monitor his behavior but don't talk to him about it and don't let it bring your great attitude anywhere near eggshell land.
I agree that this may have as mcuh to do with OW's own needs, and not your H. Remember, OW became one side of your R triangle and it's a side outside your control.
Given your legitimate concerns, however, at some time it may be necessary to probe the OW more fully with your H so that demon can be put to rest. I'm not an expert on this, but there's lots of writing and books out there can help you.
As an aside, I think I'm going to bag my new "friend." After last night's convo, I realize I just don't have it in me and right now I'll let God bring people to me instead of me looking for them. Gotta go; busy day ahead. You have a great day and...Don't worry. Be happy!
W started wearing thongs AFTER she decided she didn't love me anymore. Now I get to see them on her a few seconds a day and wonder if anyone else is seeing them (other ladies, however, please note I DID notice).
When my wife is hanging out around the house in her dainty italian finest, I just melt like butter. 
She called while we were out to dinner but she didn't leave a message. The phone was flashing because I had left a message in the afternoon that he never checked.