Circles no more

[shouldistillhope]

SFi00,

I am not sure what you mean exactly by sitting with the letter a little longer. I am already divorced and i really have no intentions for how i think my XW would or should feel about it. I am just wondering if anyone had any thoughts about how this is written and if it maybe could start me on the path to some closure. I also don't want her to feel like i am always going to be there for her no matter what her choices are from here on out. I want her to feel like she has lost me completely, for me and for her. Like i mentioned, i don't want to be her second choice.

It just seems like other than GAL, there is no criteria to follow once your D is finalized. Do you start dating again? How does one know when your ready for that? I will always have feelings for my XW, but do i shun the possibility of starting a new R with someone who interests me in the hope that the fog does actually lift for my XW? I know i will become happy again, but i also know that i am not willing to wait months, or years as they say it takes for the fog to lift and the WAS to realize what they are missing. And then what? Try dating your ex again for months or even a year or two only to find out that isn't working because neither of us can get that "magic feeling back?"

Maybe it sounds like i want to start dating again because i am afraid to be alone. Maybe it seems like i can't live survive without someone special in my life, but i think everyone will agree with me, or most everyone, that it is nice to be able to come home to that special someone. Someone who makes you feel important like our spouse's did, and like we did at one point for them. Those feelings were special, and i would be lying if i said i didn't want those things again.

So am i afraid to be alone? Maybe.

Do i want that supposed american dream of a family that is together with the kids and the house? Absolutely without a doubt. Am i willing to settle for someone who doesn't make me feel special just to achieve that goal? No friggin way.

I think part of it is happening now as a result of being told i basically wasn't a good enough H anymore. Part of me wants to prove everyone wrong. Show all of them, even a new potential W, that i can be the man i once was. I just lost my way somehow.

I do think, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that whomever or whenever a new relationship comes along, i know i am going to do everything in my power not to repeat the same mistakes i have in the past.

I certainly am not disagreeing with you, and i appreciate the advice, but i am just looking for some sort of road map as to how to proceed post divorce.

And i am wondering if this final letter would be a good way of speeding the healing process along.