Getting Back to Me

[RealityTrip]

PS I think you are right. I need to slow everything down. She saw me at lunch. She is a crying blob. She is spinning in woe. She said "I'm running. I'm running from my guilt and shame."

She wants me to make her feel better. I can't do that. Only she can. I know that she will carry all of this with her because she hasn't dealt with it. I can't fix it. I can't control it.

I feel like I'm watching my W walk down a road and can do nothing to stop the MAC truck headed straight for her.

I have to protect myself.

I thought I'd been through the worst. Watching her fall apart... Watching us sink even lower is so much worse than the pain of any stupid act of infidelity.

The helpless feeling that comes with recognizing that I have no control is centered around my fear of not having control.

That awful feeling of "what more could I do?" It's irrational. It's not being kind to myself.

I am going to go to my friends house this weekend. They don't know it yet. I'll call them after work when I am packing.