Hoping for WAS to come home

[JaxFL14]

This roller coaster of emotion is a killer. Today alone I had felt that all is lost, what's the point, that's she is happy just being alone and she truly does just want to be friends and move along with life. Then 10 min later I said, no way!!! I will continue to hold onto hope, do what I feel I have to to make myself a better man for myself, my kids, my W and possibly my future relationship with another. Complete opposite ends of the spectrum. It helps to read post when vets tell me that I'm so early in this and my W has a long way to go before she may turn it around, if at all. I'm doing most things right but still mess up from time to time. The amount of times I have to see my W to pass the kids back and fourth makes it hard. Last night she asked to come by at 10:30 to get the staple gun. I cleaned up the house real fast, did some push-ups (lol) and jumped in the shower and put on some nice jeans and clean T shirt. As she was leaving I couldn't get my hand over my mouth fast enough to stop myself from suggesting we head upstairs for you know what. She chuckled and said sorry. She later to me she didn't want to lead me on. Now I KNOW I shouldn't be making such attempts but sometimes I just CAN NOT help myself. Maybe it's because there we didn't have a huge bad break up that caused this, or constant fighting or nagging... She just felt we became more friends than anything and lost that "in love" feeling. I have got to work on stopping anything other that kids and finaces, even when she initiates it. Like yesterday she offered to make me new curtains for my room because she took the last ones in the move out. She is totally friendly and nice with me but doesnt do or say anything to lead me on. I'm afraid of that friend line becoming too permanent but shoot, look where I am now. This is just my rant for the day. Working on CHOOSING to stay patient!