As it happens, I decided to check in today; a few quick words before I go eat lunch.

This was hard for me too, Christine. This is how it played out.

In the beginning, the vocabulary became "her" room and "my" room. My presense in her room was unwelcome, she wanted to be able to close the door and know that I wasn't going to come in. As things improved, I spent more time with her in her room - laying on the bed and watching TV before retiring to the master bedroom, joining her in the morning, stuff like that.

One of the main things was that she liked not having to worry about anyone but herself. Nobody snoring, nobody leaving the light on and reading in bed, nobody eating cheese and crackers in bed. She didn't feel like she needed to clean up her messes, there was just a lot of relief in not having to worry about me being in there.

I did try to make the master bedroom as appealing as possible; buying things to make it nice, keeping it clean, picking up my things, making the bed. Stuff like that.

So, we talked about it, her moving back in. As I recall, there was one night where she was going to sleep there, and changed her mind 10 minutes after she laid down.

Here was my trick; W in general doesn't sleep well, and the kids can be exhausting - so one day I said, "Why don't you take a nap? Go on into the master and lay down." And she did. And that helped get her more comfortable sleeping in there. And before long (paired with the re-emergence of our sex life) she she started sleeping in the master again. Just like we flipped a switch.

Since then; well, W had been talking about making her "office" like a spa room, where she could retreat, relax - I've gone to efforts to actually do this in our master. Packed up one of our stereos and set it up, generally play relaxing things like George Winston. I got a ceremaic "bamboo" water fountain from ebay and set it up, running water sounds and all that help W relax. She was SO happy, that now the master is her "spa" room. I told her that I wanted this room to be the one place in the world where she feels most relaxed, most at home, and I think it's working out. We recently went and got some wing-back recliners for the master, to set up a little sit-and-read coffee area; I installed a ceiling fan a couple of weekends ago. All this is an effort to keep our master bedroom to be a sanctuary for us.

Need a coat of paint too, but the kitchen is first priority.

Anyway, what you're describing sounds really familiar. Give it some time, and remember, you're the source of positive energy. Apply it in your bedroom, make a few changes that he'll notice and like and maybe you can "lure" him back in.

Later -

- Bill