One giant leap forward! - Part 2

[T1000]

T, it seems pretty clear your W is very angry. Do not forget your validation techniques! When she says something like:

"Yes up until lately you did have the boys at weekends but as you knew things were changing. I never knew you wanted to see them this weekend. I can not just assume you want to see them as you have not once contacted me and like I said, less than 24 hours is not enough notice."

Then your response should be more like:

"I'm sorry, you're right, I should have contacted you sooner. I thought we had previously established a known pattern, but it's clear to me now that you weren't thinking the same thing. I can see why you would find that frustrating. I would like to suggest the following as the future schedule, let me know what you think:"

The idea is to defuse her anger as quickly as possible. When I read your response it sounded very antagonistic to me. Especially this:

"The kids have a right to see me. They didn't get to see me last weekend because you wanted them."

Sounds like you're wielding the kids as a weapon against her, like she's withholding them from you. Plus you imply that time spent with you is BETTER for them than time spent with her. I don't see anything in her comments to indicate that she's preventing you from seeing them, she's just PO'd that you made assumptions and didn't communicate with her. First and foremost, diffuse her anger! Do that and the negotiations will be much more peaceful.

I was very unsure whether to validate things she says right now. I think it would put me in a worse/weaker position. If I understand Sandi correctly I can't afford to look weak. She was just being awkward to get to me.


If I apologize when she is being unreasonable isn't that saying her behaviour is acceptable?

At one point I did use the kids against her to hopefully wake her up to what she was doing.