Circles no more

[shouldistillhope]

Well everyone, i guess it's official. I am now divorced. Been a long journey up to this point. I see so many new people signing on to this board that it just breaks my heart to know how much pain they are going through, how scared they are that the life they knew has seemingly come crashing down all around them. I am not here to blow smoke up anyone's hindquarters and tell them that even after all this, that i don't still hurt.

But like most everyone else who have the reality of divorce being final, i can honestly say that there comes a point where you have to find a way to push past the pain and all the things a WAS says. How they try to re-write history as they say so often on these threads.

When i first joined this forum it was as if many of you were sitting in my house with me, telling me almost to the word what my WAW was going to say and do next. Let me tell any of you who are new to this to pay attention to the advice these vets are telling you.

When they tell you to GAL, please, just do what they are saying. I didn't at first, and still have to force myself to get out sometimes, but that seems to be 90 percent of your battle right now. Do the things that make you feel good, otherwise your emotions and your sitch will eat you alive.

I have accepted and asked for forgiveness for all my faults in my M. I was co-dependent, controlling, and at times i felt unmotivated in my R with my W.

I have also learned that it is not all my fault. My W has now changed into someone i don't even know. I can say with all honesty that she is a totally different person than the one i married. I have placed my hope for a reconciliation deep down inside for now.

I am at a crossroads it seems. I am unsure if i want to start dating again (don't need to start a new R with anyone, just want to date?) or if i want to be alone for a while to find myself.

I have become an even better dad to my boys and i look forward to nothing more than the weekends where i get to spend time with them.

With me having my kids every weekend, it has afforded my XW the opportunity to go out and spend as much time at the bars with whichever one of her friends will go out with her. This is the life she wanted, this is what she chose. I realize she made that choice because of the things i have done in our M, but this is not someone i can love right now either.

I still have a lot of questions, i still feel a need for clarity and an understanding of where my life is headed, but i guess with time, God will show me these things.

I have one question for today if any vets choose to help me out. I have to stop by our house that W is living in (which is now on the market) and finish up a couple minor projects.

I have a feeling XW will be stopping by while i am there, and she always seems to find a way to push my buttons so she can tell her friends what an as$ i have become. I need to get better control of my emotions around her so if anything comes up, i feel like i am just going to ask her to just leave me alone. I want her to know that i don't want anything to do with her right now, but i want to say it in a manner that is kind, yet effective. I don't wish to be her friend right now, i don't wish to talk to or text her at all right now unless it is an emergency or has to do with kids. I want her to know that it is time for me to move on and that i don't want to be around someone like her after she has said all the negative crap about me she could think of. I want to tell her that i wish she would start being honest with herself and her freinds when she tells them it was "both our decision" to get a D. I wanted nothing to do with this, and i feel the urge to tell her to stop spreading all the lies around town. I want to defend myself, but i don't know if i should just stfu and let people figure it out on their own, or just let it go all together.

Anyone have any thought on how to approach this, or to even approach it at all?