Today I want to count my blessings. I don't want to ever take things for granted again. I used to post like crazy when things were bad abd biw that things are looking up, I should continue to set goals and look for baby steps.
Last evening H and I went out to dinner. He picked the restaurant and we had a nice evening. During the dinner, he said that he likes the salads that I make at home better. Did I hear correctly? I believe that he is making an effort to compliment me! This is so sweet! Baby steps keep happening even after the "miracle" reconciliation.
I keep forgetting to mention this and I'd like to get any opinions. After the bomb in November, my H moved into the guest room. He was really weird about "his" room. It was his sanctuary. He didn't even allow me to come in. He would close the door and instruct me to leave him alone. He said that he needed his "space".
Now that we've had our "miracle" he still sleeps in there. He doesn't call it "his" room any more...it's back to being the guest room. I think that he got in the habit of sleeping in the room and I haven't really pushed the issue. Last night, after dinner, he asked me to join him and we talked and fell asleep. AFter a couple of hours, he asked me nicely to leave. He said that he sleeps better alone but he would like for us to sleep together this weekend. Is this weird to anyone or am I making something of nothing? Do I need to just look for baby steps like with everything else?
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Hey Christine- My DB buddy!! Glad to see that you are still keeping things in perspective and continuing to monitor and look for baby steps. I think that this will always be important because it will help you to not take things for granted and realize how far you've come.
As far as the guest room, I'll just give my opinion since I don't have any experience to back it up. I'd say it's just a little left-over alien. The guest room is his cave and he's not quite ready to come out yet. I think you are doing good to not make it a big deal, and just appreciate the baby steps. He will come out when he's ready, and when he does you will be waiting for him.
Hi Christine...I'm a long-time lurker on your thread. Very happy for you! As for the guest room issue, I would just apply the patience principle there, too. My W got in the habit of not sleeping with me for a while, then got back into it. Now, when one of us is coughing or snoring, whoever is bothered will go away, but we always come back. I love sleeping with my wife, but wish we did more than just sleep in our bed. I'm in the SSM forum, for good reason.
Hey Christine no experience here but if you recall BillM's success w/W, she too slept in a different room. He didn't push or anything. He tried to make things "nice"for her to come back to so it would be more like "theirs" by getting a new comforter; putting some other comfortable things in the room. In time, she eventually came back to the room and it didn't really take that long - month or so- but it seemed long to him (of course).
It's good you're not pushing. If he's gonna sleep w/you this weekend that may be a start. Maybe you need to add some comfort there as well by changing something around? paint the room, rearrange it, get new curtains??? anything that you can get him involved in may make him feel part of it and that he really does belong there. Just some thoughts for you to ponder.
You are doing good, remember focus on the positives like you said earlier. I agree with Carrie on the cave part, you know how us men like their quiet time! Is he always watching sportscenter when hes in there? Doing what he likes doing?
I also like what Karen pointed out, make it more inviting for him to come back to the room. New sheets? Comfortorer? A tv in there? What would it be?
Quote: For those of you women afraid to wear a thong around the house, I would strongly encourge you to try it. It is really fun and, trust me, you don't need a Victoria's Secret body.
Oh, this just made me burst out laughing because it is so true.
Hooray for the thong! Hooray for lingerie! I'd avoided it for a little while because I was unhappy with my body... thyroid weight gain. And the first thing I did when I got hormones back in order was to stock up on thongs, lingerie and lovely sleepwear to lounge around the house in.
There is NOTHING that boosted my confidence faster than this-- when H was around and by myself. And people who don't see what I'm wearing have noticed something's different ... they're just not sure what it is!
I made a point of showing off to H as well...in person, by emailing him pics of particularly cool purchases, etc. It's FUN.
I swear VS should use this angle in their marketing campaigns... forget the models.
As it happens, I decided to check in today; a few quick words before I go eat lunch.
This was hard for me too, Christine. This is how it played out.
In the beginning, the vocabulary became "her" room and "my" room. My presense in her room was unwelcome, she wanted to be able to close the door and know that I wasn't going to come in. As things improved, I spent more time with her in her room - laying on the bed and watching TV before retiring to the master bedroom, joining her in the morning, stuff like that.
One of the main things was that she liked not having to worry about anyone but herself. Nobody snoring, nobody leaving the light on and reading in bed, nobody eating cheese and crackers in bed. She didn't feel like she needed to clean up her messes, there was just a lot of relief in not having to worry about me being in there.
I did try to make the master bedroom as appealing as possible; buying things to make it nice, keeping it clean, picking up my things, making the bed. Stuff like that.
So, we talked about it, her moving back in. As I recall, there was one night where she was going to sleep there, and changed her mind 10 minutes after she laid down.
Here was my trick; W in general doesn't sleep well, and the kids can be exhausting - so one day I said, "Why don't you take a nap? Go on into the master and lay down." And she did. And that helped get her more comfortable sleeping in there. And before long (paired with the re-emergence of our sex life) she she started sleeping in the master again. Just like we flipped a switch.
Since then; well, W had been talking about making her "office" like a spa room, where she could retreat, relax - I've gone to efforts to actually do this in our master. Packed up one of our stereos and set it up, generally play relaxing things like George Winston. I got a ceremaic "bamboo" water fountain from ebay and set it up, running water sounds and all that help W relax. She was SO happy, that now the master is her "spa" room. I told her that I wanted this room to be the one place in the world where she feels most relaxed, most at home, and I think it's working out. We recently went and got some wing-back recliners for the master, to set up a little sit-and-read coffee area; I installed a ceiling fan a couple of weekends ago. All this is an effort to keep our master bedroom to be a sanctuary for us.
Need a coat of paint too, but the kitchen is first priority.
Anyway, what you're describing sounds really familiar. Give it some time, and remember, you're the source of positive energy. Apply it in your bedroom, make a few changes that he'll notice and like and maybe you can "lure" him back in.
Wonder's comment on the ongoing "thong" discussion:
Quote: There is NOTHING that boosted my confidence faster than this-- when H was around and by myself. And people who don't see what I'm wearing have noticed something's different ... they're just not sure what it is!
It seems that, when I wear fancy lingerie under a very conservative business suit, I have a lilt in my step. When I wear the thong or lingerie around the house, I feel more playfull.
Thanks for the input Renew, Carrie, Hairdog, Love2 and Seattle! I honestly believe that I never would have survived the alien invasion if it weren't for my wonderful friends here.
BillM you are a legend! I am not worthy!!! I have taken a lot of ideas from reading your threads in the early days. I have scented oils and candles burning every minute that I'm home. In fact it seems strange not to have a flame burning somewhere in my house. It gives me comfort and I think that the flame has become a symbol to me of something that is constant...something that I can count on even when things were crazy. I would often look to the flame during the alien invasion and I would be reminded of the flame of unconditional love flickering inside of me...steady, constant and unwavering. It reminded me that the source of happiness in my life is within me...not from someone or somewhere else.
I thank you BillM for helping me to discover this.
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Christine!!! I miss you! I see things are still the same over here...Hubbie girating closer to you, candles still flickering, and of coarse, most importantly the legend of the thong is still alive and well. I, being of the male gender, can say that this is the most important discovery to mankind, since the first landing on the moon! Thank God for thongs! I am so glad the humor is still flying over here. Your thread is always my favorite to visit Christine. I can feel your energy in your words and wish you well with your H. It really sounds positive and seems to be alive and well. You are also achieving legend statis in the Db world. Christine and her thong, You are the bomb girl, go get him...God Bless, Eddy
Apply it in your bedroom, make a few changes that he'll notice and like and maybe you can "lure" him back in. 
I have taken a lot of ideas from reading your threads in the early days. I have scented oils and candles burning every minute that I'm home. In fact it seems strange not to have a flame burning somewhere in my house. It gives me comfort and I think that the flame has become a symbol to me of something that is constant...something that I can count on even when things were crazy. I would often look to the flame during the alien invasion and I would be reminded of the flame of unconditional love flickering inside of me...steady, constant and unwavering. It reminded me that the source of happiness in my life is within me...not from someone or somewhere else.