Very true, my W was part of the singing group in her church for the last 12 years. Practice once a week, singing on the Sunday. Now she keeps in contact with one person, a good friend, from the church. I am praying and hoping, that in all truth, she will have the ability to see her faith come back and allow me a second chance at the marriage.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Well another email from my WAW this evening. Last night an email giving me her bew phone number and now the following: "Rod, If you are able as of yet, I feel we should try and send K----and T--- the money that we owe them, at least a little at a time. We owe them $1,300. Thank you" These are family members that gave her money awhile back while I was away on a long ditance job interview. Yes, we owe it but I dont have it to give them making a response to my WAW even more difficult. Also she has always gone to bed very early (8, 8:30 consistantly)ever since I've know her, this email came in at 11:00 at nite. Never does she stay up this late. No,there is no OM. But something is for certain up. I just dont know how to respond in a positive way, and I have to.
So since leaving 10 weeks ago today all of a sudden I get 2 back to back emails from her, one giving me her new number (again strange cause we dont talk to each other on phone) and two this one about money we owe. I just spoke to the family member we owe and she never mentioned it to me. Its just known we owe it whenever we can pay it. Could this be some kind of test from WAW? hard to tell. Could she be lonely in her new place already? This stuff is so hard to deal with as u want to do and say the right thing...
How about $5 or $10? Are you paying nothing toward that loan? That doesnt seem right....
The db philosophy is to take the focus off what your was is thinking or doing and get to work "cleaning your own house".
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
The db philosophy is to take the focus off what your was is thinking or doing and get to work "cleaning your own house".
I agree That's what I've been trying to say to you. Take the focus off your WAS and onto your life You must be the best that you can be now Go and enjoy life and have fun. I'm off to the nearby town today and having a game of crazy golf with my son
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Yes, I realize you are all right with the advice of doing the best for one's self. And I do understand that and I so appreciate all the input. It's difficult though to stay on track sometimes. Especially when as in my current sitch you dont hear much of anything from your WAS then suddenly 2 days of email contacts back to back, makes you wonder what is happening. So trying, how did your crazy golf game go with your son?
That's what happens when you start doing 180 on them. They suddenly become interested again. There'll be more to follow as long as you keep doing what you're doing now. Don't get too obsessed though with what time she goes to bed, etc. Go out with friends, go to the gym and keep focussed on getting your weight down again Be prepared for the day when she may once again want to come home and so that she can see positive changes in you.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
my response to the email she sent last night about the money we owe was as follows "Yes, you are right, I understand, I will do what I can......" I am hoping that was the appropriate response...being so new to all this and trying the DB techniques is difficult to do when you know you have to respond in some manner.
I've just realised that I didn't answer your question about the crazy golf. Yes it was a good day thank you and was cheap as well Mind you it was only a small course and didn't take us long to get round it That was a good response to the email, just being polite and to the point Well done Also don't reply to it immediately, wait a few days before you respond. This will show her that you're too busy to answer her emails straight away.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Well that last one came in very late and I waited a couple hours before responding. most of the time i wait until the next day. It really is funny how u said she would be contacting me and sure enuff not one but two emails. Her daughter called me and told me she might be lonely as her son and the rest of the family has gone out of town. And I did reinforce to her daughter I would be paying back the owed money myself. If you noticed my WAW said "we" 3 times. Also trying I wanted to mention since her daughter speaks to me and doesn't want us to get divorced she backtracked on what she told me 2 months ago. Her daughter karrie told me that she was 99.9% sure mom was going to divorce me. She had said this more than once to me. Now , as of last night she has done a 180 on that statement. Now, I trust karrie but to say thats not what she meant or that I misunderstood is curious to say the least. I mean you have to look into these things while DBing right? Karrie knows i want things to work out with her mother but I have told her more recently I can only control what I am doing and do the best I can for me, (the DBing thing) well, back to pressure cleaning the house....
That's what I've been trying to say to you. Take the focus off your WAS and onto your life