Has Christine graduated to piecing?

[ChristineE]

Thanks for stopping by Rj2, Seattle and Carrie!

I don't post as much as I used to because I actually have to work now. Since the bomb, my life has been full of strange coincidences. My job is a good example. Right before the Nov. 2 bomb, I was notified that my entire division was being disbanded (about 100 of us nationwide) and, after the first of the year, everyone would be redeployed to another position. After that announcement, everybody started to look after their own interests in finding a new position in the company and worked their lame-duck jobs very minimally. Since I have an office in my home and my boss lived in California, I really didn't do much work after the bomb. It's a good thing too, because I probably would have gotten fired! I couldn't concentrate on anything outside of my sitch. Now my boss lives in the same city and I have a lot of work that has been thrown at me. It's still better than before because I don't have to get on an airplane everyday (another coincidence).

My trip to Phoenix with H was fun. I decided to put us in a hotel rather than staying with my parents and that turned out to be a good call. We had a couple of romantic interludes in spite of my H's continued depression.

I took a chance and reminded H that he had promised (prebomb) to help me get the stuff out of my storage in Texas. During the alien invasion I was reluctant to bring this up because I didn't want him to say no and remind me of his plan for D. Now that the aliens are gone, I had the courage and H suggested that we make a fun weekend of it. This is a very good move in the right direction!

I still continue to be extremely anxious. I am so afraid that he will come to me and tell me that he still wants to leave. After all he hastn' really said that he has changed his mind, but I guess that's just a technicality. His actions seem to show that he's not going anywhere. In fact, it is now March and, back in Jan, he said that he was going to stop depositing his paycheck into our account and move in Feb. This has not happened. Yeah!

I am proceeding through my "Piecing" with that attitude that, from now on, my H is going to be having an A with ME! Our R will be romantic, fun and not boring. I have confidence that I can give my H everything and more than what he could find elsewhere. I was listening to my "Light His Fire" Cds that I ordered and the author suggests going away for a weekend alone at least every three months and a one-week vacation alone once a year. I like this idea. If my H is going to be sneaking around with amyone, it will be with me!

For me, I have found myself in situations with H where I am tempted to fall back into the same old dysfunctional behaviors, but every time, I catch myself and continue with my "as if" attitude. I remind myself that I don't NEED reassurance from him and I don't NEED for him to make me feel better about things. I am a whole person with or without him. I choose to be with him and, now that I have taken that pressure off of him, he is showing me so much love in return.

DBing has not only saved my marriage...it has changed my life and made me a better person. I am so grateful!

Meanwhile, the piecing is slow. I still feel very ambiguous about talking about the A. He doesn't know that I know and I still don't want to rock the boat. I'm getting braver about bringing things up so maybe soon this will come out too. I'm in no hurry though. I'll just see what circumstances and opportunities present themselves to me.

Christine