Run and hide your crazy

[mizjjd]

Hi all!

I have been busy... but now H is off to the casino so while the cat is away the mouse will post lol.

THAT....is some really good stuff.

^^^ That is some really high praise!! TY rH!

You know, I read a book once called, I think, "How to Marry a Millionaire" Yes of course it was shallow lol. But, had some interesting things too. One that has always stayed with me is the notion that with every couple there is one person who is a problem - to some degree. The book advised gold diggers to "be the one with the problem" because that would keep the non-problem-partner (aka Moneybags) slightly on "tilt" and draw them to the problem-partner like a moth to a flame. And furthermore, the book said, if YOU don't have a problem then you'll be the one taking care of a problem. So, once or twice a year, the gold digger should purposefully... pick your poison. Stray, get drunk, have a screaming tantrum, shoplift etc. Conniving, sneaky and underhanded right? But also right as rain. Maybe I should have followed those "words of wisdom".

No, not really. Lol. But it is something to consider.

I would LOVE to punish H for his infractions

Wouldn't you though!!! Wouldn't I??? In fact, I find myself cautious to make changes, or set boundaries, because I wonder if I'm not acting out of a sense of retribution and vengeance. I can't yet separate protecting myself from wanting to lash out. So I end up doing nothing. Perhaps time will show me the difference.

I think when you are trying to forgive you have to see that they are truly sorry and don't do it again. Right now I don't get that feeling from h so I can't begin to forgive yet. does that make sense?

Yes I understand what you are saying. I think what I meant to get across was not being eager to not only "forgive", but to "work through". I wish now I had let H believe the door was closed, instead of propping it open and dragging him through it by his hair. I ended up doing all the work and I think that wasn't good for anyone - or the M.

Portia! Portia the Big Green Dangerous Cat who dares death... unless there's wallpaper - then, not so much.
I'm so glad you are sounding stronger.
The fantasy thing makes ya' crazy doesn't it? My H compares me, unfavorably, to wives/mothers on tv, but not himself.
H, "Why can't you be more like her?"
J, "Why can't you be more like Mr. Her?"
H, "Don't be ridiculous!"

How are you doing J?...Do you think this is part of the explanation for their affairs, and especially for "affairing down" with such a bunch of losers?...How are the boys enjoying the summer so much? Are they in camp or any summer programs? Hey why don't you apply for a passport?

I am doing... not so well actually. IDK if this is M/H related, but I think I'm starting to have panic attacks. My mother had them also, so perhaps this is a hereditary thing? Whatever kind of thing it is, I don't like it.

I do think the low self esteem is part of the affair-down. Also the fantasy pursuit. I think the MLCer is so disappointed in who they are that they decide to be someone else. And they want to be an impressive someone else, so they need someone easily impressed.

The kids are trucking along. My daughter will be 19 on Saturday. That's just a crazy thing lol. And she is still having her drama filled life. S20 will be in a wedding Saturday. Funny to think of his peers getting married. The twins suddenly have a social life. Up until this summer they have been, not antisocial, but happy to stay home with just each other for company. Not any more. I came home to 5 teenagers sprawled all over the living room, playing video games. And, the biggest news, S17B (the one who went to FL) sort of has a gf!!

I would like to get a passport. In fact, its on my list. But right now I can't afford it. I am saving up for the zoo trip next month. I plan to get one without telling H because I don't want him to feel obligated to ask me along on his trips. But I want to be able to travel in the event of his parents ill health.

And Portia, my fingernails are naked. But my toes are painted "Oy, another polish joke" which is gold. I do not get the connection and am concerned that might mean the joke's on me. Or at least on my toes

Cheers!