wife hardends heart-2

[planet]

MrBond.
I've already said what is needed when i confronted him. OM says he only wish to accompany W during her down time. Be there for her. That's his definition of noble.

[fade]

She's trying to assure you that they are not trying to replace you with OM because that is exactly what they are trying to do.

You need to be very firm with your wife as much as OM. Dont discuss the issue or argue with him, he needs to see scary consequences and high costs for trying to steal your family or he will just continue to get bolder. And dont fall or react to your wife's hysterics. Your wife will likely resist, become enraged, accuse you of being controlling or paranoid, blame-shift and guilt-trip you. You don't argue your position or your feelings to her regarding her inserting him into her and your life, just enforce your boundary. I promise if you stand strong and dont let her affect you, you can outlast her.

You cannot keep her away from OM, but you can keep him away from your home and away from your children. That is a boundary well within in your right to enforce. You are the alpha gorilla here, its your job to drive this guy off from what is yours.

[planet]

fade.
thank you for your insight.

i did not meet up with OM after he texted his request few days ago. I figured i've already made myself very clear to stay away from my family.

[planet]

W generally looks much healthier. Glad to see that. She's still cold and distant.
Felt awkward when we're having dinner together. Just didn't know what to say. I did try to start some small talk previously but her response is restricted to yes or no answers and she perceived this as my attempt at winning her over. Small talk like asking her about her health and generally about the kids!
But yesterday we just kept to ourselves unless our kids interrupt us where there be some interaction like smiles.
Sure didn't feel normal. What should I do now? Just didn't want to live this way.

180
this crazy feeling I'm having. This morning I found that we didn't have much for breakfast so I went out to buy some bread and it didn't matter to me nobody noticed. The same thing happened days earlier. The thing is, I wouldn't be this thoughtful before and would have dig out some thing from the kitchen. I would not have thought about my kids not having something to eat!
I'm amazed. Who would have known? I'm pretty surprised with myself and I didn't do this on purpose. Just felt right doing it.
I've been generally nicer in my responses to my colleagues. Greeting people all around. It's crazy.
I kinda like myself now. I'm not sure if I can keep this up.
What is happening? Is this my consciousness reacting to my state of mind now? I don't feel happy though since BD and suddenly I'm acting out of character. Is my hormones acting up?
I so freaking confused right now.
How do I keep this up if I want to be the better 'me' right now? Do I need to be a little bit depressed all the time?
MrBond, I have read in one thread, you mentioned some techniques that could help to 'change' permanently. Or something to that effect.
Anyone can explain? Have anyone gone through similar changes?

[planet]

W said i have been spending a little more lately and i attribute them to my GAL activities. This morning W has decided to split all household expenses. She carefully itemized everything. We have been paying our monthly bills collectively which means she pays more.
Our monthly expenses is really high and my income could cover them but that means i'm left with just lunch money.
W have been paying for out family's health insurance and i estimate it costs as much as 1/4 of her yearly income which is really crazy. W does have her reasons.
I guess sorting out finances is right. My employer have force us to take a substantial pay-cut starting next month. GAL will be a big problem from now on. A friend and i have been planning a start-up for few months and this could be my ticket out.
W did ask me to find a better paying job but i just found just too much comfort in the current one. About a year ago before the BD, i did try to look for a new job but none turn up interesting. That's also the reason i wanted to start a new business. Right now i don't even have savings to continue.

[DigDeeper]

Hi planet, just dropping by to lend you my support. Stay strong in this long journey of yours

[planet]

I have been saving up for just few months since BD and did not give W my entire salary. I need to have some money for one product sourcing trip overseas for my new start-up.
She must have felt that I'm unwilling to contribute anymore. W did say she's very uncomfortable with this arrangement. I have told her the reason many times but I don't think she agrees but I do not have a choice. I'm willing to take some risk to end the rat race. This decision is not easy for me, more so after BD.
I don't know what to do. I'm not sure not being able to provide everything for my kids is the best thing right now in my situation.
Moving to my parents place and only paying W the agreed sum monthly is one option. This way I would be able to have some control over my finances. I have already transferred my share of the house to W as part of the agreement. I didn't want my kids to be burden by selling the property and moving to a new place.
But moving means I'm unable to defend my home from OM.
I'm so lost right now

[PatientMan]

But moving means I'm unable to defend my home from OM.
I'm so lost right now

It's pretty standard advice to NOT move out of your own home. It may seem tough, but it's standard advice for a reason.

-PM (Sat@00:17)

[planet]

This morning W took the kids out and had lunch with OM. One of kids told me afterwards.
I guess it's no use saying anything. W will probably give me the 'who cares' look and maintain that they are just friends. W may want to keep the relationship officially as 'friends' but she's not stopping him from pursuing.
I made it clear that i did not want OM meeting my kids to W previously. I guess after the movie incident, she may never say anything again.

[planet]

It's pretty standard advice to NOT move out of your own home. It may seem tough, but it's standard advice for a reason.

Why Is that?
I'm still having problems understanding the changes in me. The out-of-character actions. It seems unreal.