One giant leap forward! - Part 2

[adinva]

You are right, that the "plenty of times she has..." does not matter right now or ever. Lose the scorecard. This is about you and only you, being an interested father.

Doesn't matter if it looks fake or forced or manipulative. It is the truth, and there is a paper trail being developed. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by staying silent. Be humble and accept instead of arguing what she says. 24 hours notice is not unreasonable. Having a clear verbal agreement is not unreasonable. Sending one message a day or three a week to ask how the kids are is not unreasonable but it would be much better if you called at a specific time to hear their voices and let them hear yours. They are too young to go 14 days without hearing the sound of your voice. On the surface the things she is saying about your lack of interest are not completely outlandish and that's why I think you need to worry about getting on record that you do want and expect agreed upon time with them. And I think you need to use actions to demonstrate that you listened to her and heard her (at least the parts that were not pure spew). Not words to try to convince her. Just straight business - she said 24 hours notice, and that's not unreasonable, so from now on make sure it's at least that much, and ask the same of her. She said you didn't communicate, and interpreted that to mean absentee father (so what if she's lying or posturing) ... so you need to take action to communicate to those kids. These are not bending to her will, they are stepping up and being an even better coparent than before. I think you need to be on record showing interest.

I get that you're afraid she'll say, oh yeah, now you want them but where were you before I accused you? It's all an act! So what if she says that?

I don't know if this is a helpful tool for you or not but when I deal with irrational people I use fewer words and I repeat them like a broken record. "I would like to see the kids." "I'm sorry you misinterpreted that, but I would like to see the kids." etc. Ugh, good luck.