Harder and Harder..............II

[Positivespin]

This is what our communication has dissolved to- This is the only communication Me/W have had since Sat 7/13.

W - I will be picking up D3 tonight, tomorrow and Friday. I am not sure what day, if any, I will be staying at the house.

ME - Ok- She is one amazing little girl


W - Yes, we are going to see (childrens performer)tonight in (nearby town) and blues at (Local college) tomorrow.


Thats it.As you can see I did not pursue, guilt, dig, or question. I understand 100% that she is in the fog of the affair and im doing my thing with D3 as my priority.

Sitting here in my office, just this morning, there was a conversation between neighbors about how much divorce affected them as children. They spoke about inconsistency between the parents as the most confusion leading to pain. This conversation happened as I received this email.

Me is doing good but D3 is obviously my softspot. I will sacrifice all to minimize any negative impact on my innocent little girl- Unfort, my W is not of the same mindset.

GEESH! Here I am tearing up in my office at 9am...........Looks like another "bad allergy day"

Thanks all for reading

[LBH_LC]

PS... I'm so sorry you and your little girl are going through this. MWD was so right when she said one of the most tragic parts of a D is that the LBS often had no idea of the issues and is now willing to do the work. It doesn't have to be like this!

And while I don't think divorce will ruin a child's life (my niece and nephew are proof), I do think it's a damn shame that divorce is such as easy fix for some people.

You hang in there, buddy, and you take care of your girl. I know you are.

I can relate to it being hard to stay in the home you once shared with your W. The weeks I stayed it in the townhouse I once shared with my STBX after she had left were some of the worst in my life. What [censored] is that since most of the furniture was mine from before we married, I'll still be seeing the ghost of our old home once I find a more permanent living situation.

You're awesome, I'm awesome, and we're learning from this, right?

-Lefty

PS: Below 192 lbs. this morning!

PPS: I've found blasting Cake's cover of "I Will Survive" to be therapeutic even if all of the lyrics in the verses aren't applicable.

[Positivespin]

192- you SOB ! Im at 200.0 this AM. Im thinking I may be OK with this "stabilization" - but I still want to hit "Normal" BMI

Im at college weight now- if I lose the remaining 8-10 ill be at a 32 waist.......... All I wanted was to be able to shop at A&F. This is past that

My NEW problem is that Im doing so well that my skin cant keep up- "Muffin top by default".

Also- I found my hip bones- LONG time since I uncovered those things

When this crap is cleared up on both our sides Im going to fly out to CA - we will do a 5K

Your a good man lefty!

[LBH_LC]

192- you SOB ! Im at 200.0 this AM. Im thinking I may be OK with this "stabilization" - but I still want to hit "Normal" BMI

Stick with it, you'll get there. I stalled for a little bit at the 200 threshold, too. Finally got below it and ate at maintenance for a bit as a reward. After I cut my calories again, it started dropping quickly again. I think there might be something to that "broscience" about confusing your body.

Im at college weight now- if I lose the remaining 8-10 ill be at a 32 waist.......... All I wanted was to be able to shop at A&F. This is past that My NEW problem is that Im doing so well that my skin cant keep up- "Muffin top by default".

I've noticed my 34" shorts are a little baggy on me now. I tried on some 32s and was able to button them (I doubt I could have even gotten a leg through on BD day) but there's some definite muffin-top action there, so I'm staying at 34" for a little longer. Basically, all of my BD wardrobe is too big for me now except for a couple shirts I had stored in hopes of one day fitting into them. Once I hit my goal weight, I'll have some serious shopping to do.

Also- I found my hip bones- LONG time since I uncovered those things

I hear that!

When this crap is cleared up on both our sides Im going to fly out to CA - we will do a 5K

You're on!

Your a good man lefty!

You too, Positivespin!

[PatientMan]

The closer you get to your goal weight, the more difficult it will be because:

1) You have less non-functional weight to lose
2) Your body is designed, by nature, to preserve fat and fight losing weight as a means of survival

Both of you sound like you have made great strides and are getting much closer to where you'd like to end up physically. Being this close, I absolutely recommend an occasional diet break like LCLBH did. I can go on about this for a WHILE, so I'll try to be brief.

The body has various set points for weight, muscularity, and hormones that it deems as a state of homeostasis...a sort of default memory setting for the body. (Tangentially, this is a big reason why crash dieters can gain weight back so quickly - the body remembers where it "wants" to be.) So the goal isn't just to lose fat, but also adjust the body's various set points as you go so that you are naturally less inclined to gain that weight back.

If you have been losing fat for awhile, it makes sense to take a diet break to give your body a chance to rest and reset. If done correctly (meaning a proper calorie deficit diet followed by a short period of calorie maintenance), it will actually speed up the journey to the end goal. This is hard to accept mentally for some people because on its surface it seems counterintuitive to NOT be under-eating, but the human body is an amazing organism that has developed extremely advanced survival techniques that kick into gear autonomically. The body cares little about what you've decided your goals are mentally and adjusts various hormones to make you eat more, make the preservation of fat favorable, etc.

Diet breaks can be slippery slopes, so treat your break as part of your overall plan and stick to it. Most people have better success with accountability, so if you don't have a friend to help keep you accountable (and you can help them in return), you can still hold yourself accountable by tracking what you eat on websites such as FitDay. Accountability works, and I recommend it, but it can become too much for some, so in the end you have to find what works for you.

If anyone has any questions on this, let me know. Again, congrats to both of you on your success!

-PM

[LBH_LC]

Good post, PatientMan. Everything you've said dovetails with what I've been reading.

You're right on about accountability: I attribute my success (beyond the first post-BD 20-30 pounds) to using a kitchen scale and a calorie tracking app with my smartphone.

[Positivespin]

THANK YOU PATIENTMAN

I know im moderating because im consuming more calories- I want this loss sustainable and 63 lbs in 25 weeks is a heck of a body transformation

I thrive on structure- I can eat the same thing every day for years. The "changing things up" is very tough for breakfast and lunch.

Whats interesting about this weight loss is one day ill look great- muscles developing, fat reducing but then ill lose two pounds the next week and I look skinny with droopy fat.

Its time to set new goals

[Positivespin]

There is one thing great about waking up crying............

I know im not overmedicated

Waking up alone in a bed designed for 2 in a house designed for a very large family hit me this morning.

1. get out of bed
2. take a shower
3. get dressed
4. Eat breakfast

MOVE FORWARD!!!!!!!!!

It [censored] now and its going to suck for a long time- but I will get through it!

[uRworthy]

PS, I am sorry you woke up upset. It is so hard, this.

You are going to have up days and down, fits and starts.

The thing to remember is that eventually there will be more good days than bad.

And yes, you will get through it.

Looking might good as you do.

[uRworthy]

Oh, and you are all such guys. LOL!