Does it matter if its WAW or MLC, treat the same?

[25yearsmlc]

Two questions.

Since your focus is the same regardless, what difference does all this analysis make?

It gives some people hope...and maybe that's good. And maybe that's not.

Because if the focus ought to be on the one person you can control and helping any children involved stay stable as best as possible, why bother with all this? IT DETRACTS FROM YOUR OWN WORK and let's face it...some of us want to detract from our role in this, turn away from our own flaws, but we must not.

Second, I see a HUGE OVERLAP in the "symptoms" of both MLC and WAS.

Both tend to blame the LBSer and both prepare for the single life by making their appearance better. Both tend to lose weight and start "acting younger" b/c both might be single soon...or at least want to check out the scene out there.

I could go on, but my point remains this: I spent way way too much time on WHY my h was doing what he was doing and whether he was in MLC or a WAH or just a selfish guy I had not noticed before, etc.

When I finally turned the focus on MY LIFE and what I could do about it, it's the only thing that made ME and my kids begin to find our way without him. And to plan on being happy, regardless of what his choices were.
And we did.


Paradoxically, letting them go, seems to be the only way they MIGHT come back. No guarantees, and there never were, but you are in a better place either way.

Either way...but imo, the endless analysis of THEIR choices and THEIR wants, takes the focus off the only person you can and ought to control, YOU.

And be there for the kids. That has to be THE priority...not the absent spouse. You have to reassure your kids that the absent parent does love them, which is almost always true anyhow and even if not, why tell a child that?

It's a lot to be your best self as their parent AND try to compensate for the abasent one; the analysis is a waste of time in my opinion.

I really do not get the point. I look at that first year of our sep as me wasting precious time on my H, and not getting anywhere either, and slowing my own happiness and my children's, which I still regret.

Good luck but, can you please tell me why WHY this matters so much to you?

I mean it did pre-occupy me back in 06, but even I realized after awhile it simply made no difference in MY COURSE OF ACTION...And life is short as it is.

So I spent NO more time on HIS choices, and ALL my time on GAL and my kids.

THAT made the most difference in all our lives.