Need help detaching

[lost_hope]

Journaling : Huge backslide last night. Was day 3 of mega attitude and I just couldn't help getting upset. Then we were fine last night (in terms of talking) but he is back to attitude again with me today. I know I'm to focus on me and the baby but I really feel as though he either is doing that thing (consciously or subconsciously) where he is being mean/picking fights/ignoring me so that I get fed up and leave, or that he is going to stay in the marriage cake eating (one foot in, one foot out) b/c it's not economically feasible for him to divorce me now. I feel so defeated. I didn't even want to have lunch with him today. He brought lunch home and usually I will unwrap his sandwich and put it on a plate. But lately he always tells me not to touch his sandwiches anymore. So I just took mine out and went upstairs. He stayed downstairs and we were both silent with the exception of me giving him info on quotes I got for movers.

I couldn't even be bothered to PMA and put on a happy face, I feel literally exhausted from this and I feel like I don't even want him in our lives anymore. Is this how he's going to be around my baby? Lifeless, grumpy and with major attitude everyday. If so, is it worth it to have him around? How am I going to cope with that with hormones crashing and on our hours of interrupted sleep.? I am just venting. Thanks for listening.