This morning my W tells me that she is going out with her GF after work today (Thursday). Two weeks ago, I had told my W that we should eat dinner as a family at least once a week for our girls. To listen to them, enjoy a meal together, and just spend some time as a family. My W readily agreed that Thursdays we would eat as a family. It seems she has already forgotten.
When she told me, I reminded her that we agreed to eat once a week and that she picked Thursday. She then said, "well, can't it be Friday?" I replied, "yes, it can, but you picked Thursday."
Earlier in the week we had discussed our oldest D because I told my W I was concerned that she was unhappy and that there are some things that a mother and daughter can discuss that maybe the dad (me) cannot. My W's position is that there is nothing wrong, our D is fine. She wanted to know why I thought that she was unhappy.
So as part of this mornings conversation I continued this previous conversation by giving an example of why I think D is unhappy. On Tuesday I was home before the W and I made dinner. The W got home with MIL and youngest D and then my W went to the bedroom. She changed her clothes, lied on the bed, and started texting people. When dinner was done, I sent youngest D into the room to tell her dinner was ready. 15 minutes later with dinner on the table, and the girls ready, I went into the room and gently invited my W to come eat.
When I sat down and we started eating, my oldest D asked, "Why isn't mommy and grandma eating with us?" I didn't have a good answer, and I could see my D's face and the way she said it I could feel the hurt in her voice.
My W did come about 5 minutes later, then the telephone rang with her brother (which I discussed above) and my W left again.
So this morning I told my W this.
It is funny how the MLC brain works and how her memory is so selective. This morning my W was about to say, "well, I had dinner with you on Tuesday ..." On Tuesday she sat down with us for all of 3 minutes as recounted above.
Also, my W had said earlier that we do have dinner together more than once a week. Then if I recount the week: On Monday you went to the gym, on Tuesday you did this, on Wed we went out, ... I mean, WTF! doesn't she know what she does each week?
this whole conversation was about 5 minutes, afterwards I felt like I was a parent talking to a teenager.
If my W stays home this evening it will just be guilt and not last. I don't like seeing my girls get rejected by their mom, I know how me being rejected hurts, and my oldest is aware of what is going on more or less.
I realize that me starting this conversation is probably not good DB-ing. It has too much of the element of complaining, nagging, and trying to control my W's relationship with my D. But sometimes, I think I need to deviate from DB-ing.
