So the shock and numbness have started to wear off. Now I'm scared to death for us. He has said for months that he "just doesn't want to be married and doesn't know why" Now I realize she was probably a big part of that. I have competition now. I'm sure she's young, cute and trendy. Ick. Has no kids, definitely more spontaneous and fun.
It was bad enough when he didn't want to be married...now he has to get to a point of wanting to be married again...but also disconnecting from her. That seems like a monumental task. It was overwhelming enough to think of the work involved with restoring our emotional connection...now we have to end another connection first.
I worry I'll never trust him again.
He's making a therapy appointment for us today. Is that a positive sign? I don't know. I just feel like he's a little scared of losing me and the marriage...but maybe not scared enough to really do all the work it's going to take to get this thing back on track. I feel like he might turn and run as soon as he sees how far gone we are.
I feel like this marriage is so fragile if I put the slightest demand or bit of pressure on him he's going to take off. But my more positive side says the last 4 months have been the most difficult of our life, ever. We've had more fights, he's admitted to an EA, he's moved out, filed for a divorce...and yet here we are, starting therapy together and still communicating daily in a friendly manner, unable, it seems to completely sever ties. Maybe we're not as fragile as I think? There have certainly been PLENTY of opportunities in the last 4 months for either of us to throw in the towel and say I'M DONE. But we haven't yet. So maybe there is hope.
Just rambling. I'm home with shingles this week (from the stress!) so my GAL and 180s have been pretty limited. My kids are at camp, I'm home alone. Then I got the email from OW so it's been quite a week. I'd appreciate some feedback on the EA. My DB coach is out of town this week.
