You all have such good advice. I will make an appointment with my doctor today. I am feeling somewhat fine, just the typical sadness that affects me from moment to moment, but I think that is to be expected. I still very much need to get a handle on my emotions, so that I can find my own happiness.
I have realized that going a little more dark is necessary to save myself. The less contact I have with wife, and the less snooping or conversing about her that I do, the better I feel. I just need to make her, Or at least the relationship with her, a past memory and move forward. I have had such a hard time understanding why this is all happening, and that is probably a big reason for my depression. I just don't get why we can't fix the issues. She sees it otherwise, and unfortunately that is her reality so I need to accept it. I am still very upset that she feels she needs to completely rewrite her life. She is involved with OM, all new friends and all new activities. She is becoming a completely different person in all aspects. I know that will not last, and I don't entirely understand why she thinks it is a good solution....I need to let go of these thoughts and worry about myself. It is that simple.
The issue I am having with wife and finances are, she still expects a large settlement. I have expressed to her that it is simply not going to happen without a fight. However, she is still spending every cent of her money on her self enjoyment, and saving nothing to secure her future. I am still putting a roof over her head, still paying her utility bills. She is broke and not making an effort to move forward on her own and that simply pisses me off. What she does with her life can't concern me anymore. However, when her life affects mine, I carry some emotional burden. She wants a divorce. She wants money as a settlement. She wants separation. She wanted to walk out that door. That does not mean I have to help her with her choices. She needs to carry on with her own wishes, so that I can have some peace with my life. I don't feel that is too much to ask. She wanted this, not me.
