Circles no more

[shouldistillhope]

I will admit, this sitch with my kids is becoming increasingly frustrating for a couple different reasons.

I can't figure out right now why i want her back so badly after she has said and done all the things prior, during and now after divorce.

I know most of the things i have done wrong during our M. I know i have caused this just as much as her, but why am i struggling so much with my emotions over someone who told me she doesn't want me around any more? Someone who basically tells you that your not good enough for them anymore. Is it because she is trying to make herself feel better by dumping all this on me?

And now this with my kids. I am so frustrated by her actions and by the fact that throughout her whole life, she has never taken responsibility for her actions. Never accepted blame when it was her fault, it was always someone or something else that caused her problems. Why do i still love someone like this?

Is it wrong for me to tell her that if this continues to happen then i will look into possibly gaining full custody of my kids? Is it wrong for me to feel guilty that if i do that, i will push her so far away that she will never come back?

My kids have always come first for me. I know i didn't put my M or my W first, but i always did that for my kids.

Why do i still want her in my life? It's days and times like this that i feel like i haven't made any progress with myself.

I welcome any suggestions or advice.