So is it reacting or is it compromising that's the problem? you admit that you pretty much always win, that's not a compromise.
Do you listen and validate his issues or argue till theres a winner, which is usually you? Have you ever just listened to what he wanted and let it go at that? Most people would call that control issues, you have to win so you can control the situation. Is this something your working on? or just something you've finally admitted too?
GAL= Get a life, one outside your marriage, the gym, going for a walk or run, going out with friends, picking up or starting a hobby.
What did you do to give in before?
I hope you don't throw the D word around like you were telling him before to just move out, or he might just take you up on it too. Take that word out of your vocabulary for now.
If he does things that set you off, you need to say "that really hurts my feelings, and in the past I didn't handle it well, but its something im working on." Don't put blame on him for doing it, just let him know it bothers you, and you think you can both can handle it differently. He does it cause he knows it gets to you.
The 5LL book is great, but in your situation how does he respond to you touching him? If its something he recoils from then stop or risk pushing him away further. I think he needs to see some of your actions, that he deems threats, to stop, and build some trust with you that you wont throw it at him like that again.
IMO, you say you wont wait around forever, and im not telling you too. BUT, what you don't understand is theres still issues your going to have to address, or your just gonna take them into your next relationship as well. So why not, if you want to save your marriage, work on them now.
His emotional withdraw might be from some childhood issues, but you admit your a tough cookie. Maybe the way you approach issues needs to change so that he'll feel more comfortable being able to talk to you about the problems. You need to listen and validate, not stonewall, rugsweep, and tear into what he has to say.
And finally, patience, the mother of all anxiety. You cant put a time frame on a resolution, you cant make changes just cause you think it MIGHT bring him back. You need to make these changes cause you know they're problems and need to be addressed.
I hope some vets chime in here soon, and give you some better advice. Know that your not alone, know we all want your marriage fixed. That its gonna take some time and lots of patience. Be positive and don't get down when having a bad day. Get out and GAL, take care of yourself with proper eating/diet and a good nights sleep.
