the biggest thing I notice is that you are still worried about upsetting your wife and ruining your chances. I understand why, however, you really have to detach for your own sake as well as for any possibility of a HEALTHY reconciliation.
I really hate to say this because it sounds so counter to DB'ing, but many of the sitches I've read about that turned around didn't turn around until the LBS gave up on the WAS in absolute disgust. Not "I think I'm going to drop the rope" kind of stuff, but "I am so sick and tired of all the BS, I am DONE with you spouse! I want you out of my life and RIGHT NOW!!!!" I am certainly not suggesting that everyone go get in their WAS's face, this is just an observation I've made reading various "success" stories on these forums. But it seems a radical change in the LBS's attitude from wanting to save the M to just being fed up and disgusted and wanting to end it is often what wakes a WAS up. Here's the thing though, in these cases the LBS was absolutely 100% done, they were not acting or pretending or trying to trick the WAS. And I think that's the difference. When the WAS senses that it really is over, suddenly they're not so sure they want to walk away forever.
All I'm saying is I agree with lovethehub, you are NOT going to ruin your chances of reconciliation by showing some backbone.
