Well trying 180, I am going to try it. Really, there are no other options anyway,s. Like I said however, the icy coldness comes through in her email responses to me strongly. Even the very few times (twice, i believe)she initiated email contact during this past 2.5 months it was because of something she needed from me and the coldness came thru even in those. I will say though that in the very beginning of this she did provide me with an email explaining an episode with grandson and illness. It was detailed and the icy coldness was not there. Since then however, it's become very cold and icy. I find it interesting that you think she will make contact once I really stop doing so. I mean I see it with her being in a nice condo, most of her bills being paid for and yes, she has a part time job but, her family there will be very supprotive of her and I know thats a good thing. And they are really good people. I see that as a no win for me. I know that she has to establish residency there in IL for 3 months before she can file a divorce. So the clock started on July 1 when she moved into her place. Whether or not she files after the 3 months is up I dont know. Sure feels like she will though. She has not used the D word. Just that one phone convo we had the day after she left to tell me she was staying there and wanted her car brought to the airport so her sons employee could fly in and drive it back to her. That is the only phone convo we have had and she used the word permanent when I asked her about staying there. So, my waiting every two weeks before emailing her hasnt had any effect on things as yet. So frustrating....
Things will get more pleasant between you both as time goes on My H started off with this ice coldness towards me in the beginning, I don't see it so much now - if at all! Have you given up altogether with any chance of R? I'm guessing the answer is no or you wouldn't be posting on here. At the moment all she wants is to be on her own without you, BUT things can change as you know from reading the success stories on here. Try and put her to the back of your mind and concentrate on making you a better person. She may not be there to see the change in you, but mutual friends will. They will be telling her how you're changing by losing weight and getting a job, etc. This may annoy her at first, but she may like to think I want some of that! Have you read Sandi's rules yet? They are a good starting block for doing a 180.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
How long did the coldness last trying? Were are at 2 and a half months tomorrow. And no I havent given up on R. I bought the DR book also. What really amazes me even now is how the days before she left everything was okay. I made here waffles as usual got her coffee, she even folded neatly my clothes and put them in dresser etc. The day before I had taken her to the airport she had to go to the doc for a kidney infection. I remember being there for her the whole time, opening car door sitting with her in waiting room etc etc. And now As I recall just prior to leaving for the airport she took our two cute little dogs into the room to say goodbye to them. We both love these dogs for many years. Even after dropping here at the airport while she was waiting for the boarding she called me and asked how I was and where I was at and other small talk. And now today 2 plus months later I hardly get 2 sentences out of her. Doesn't any of this sound a little odd? anybody? By the way tring, how much does a stone weigh?
2old, did I read your earlier post correctly, your W has been in THREE failed marriages before yours? Wow. She sounds like a serial divorcer to me. I just don't know if someone like that is ever going to look back, she may be one of those people who is always trying to run from her problems not realizing the problems are within her and that they go with her wherever she runs.
All I can say is you've got to work on you and drop all your expectations. When you say things like "So, my waiting every two weeks before emailing her hasnt had any effect on things as yet" then it's pretty clear you have expectations. When you have expectations then it just leads to disappointment. Just focus on yourself, get back in touch with the guy you were before her. Become the strong, independent person you no doubt were back then. Good luck!
All I can say is you've got to work on you and drop all your expectations. When you say things like "So, my waiting every two weeks before emailing her hasnt had any effect on things as yet" then it's pretty clear you have expectations. When you have expectations then it just leads to disappointment. Just focus on yourself, get back in touch with the guy you were before her. Become the strong, independent person you no doubt were back then. Good luck!
I agree anotherstander, it's time to work on yourself 2old Try and push her to the back of your mind. Have you got any GALs? It's good that you're reading DR, but also don't set yourself unrealistic goals. I think one goal for you would be let her contact you. She will thaw out in time, it's just a question when. I don't think we can compare notes as regard to when my H decided to warm up a bit. He's not been cold for the whole time, just when he talks about stuff like divorce. It would help us if you add a sig to your posts You can edit this in your profile.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I hear you about the fact my wife was married 3 previous times. It's not that I have looked past that fact. We got together in 2001. We didn't get married until 2007. I always had reservations about her previous marriages to be honest. This is why we didn't marry right off. I heard the horror stories from those previous times for her and they did seem to be confirmed by her family. And being with her for 6 years prior to getting married I believe I seen she had a heart and was a normal person for lack of a better term. But you are right, she made our seperation one that looks like she had been really abused. I mean not a word to me about leaving me and acting all normal until she lands up north to call me and say please take my car to the airport there tomorrow. It all just didn't and to be honest still doesn't make sense. As you mentioned previous you and your WAS didnt fight and neither did we. So, I guess I need to look at what you are saying a lot deeper. She just cut and run without warning. And I dont mean to not take blame here. As Ive said previous things were tough and I was stressed with our finances etc. But we carried on as usual as far as I seen. And yes, I know I need to drop expectations etc and work on me. I think this would of been somewhat better if she had confronted me with "I'm leaving you" instead of the way she did it.
So, a rare occurence this evening. WAW emailed me a one sentence email letting me know that as of july 22 what her new phone number will be. This makes no sense to me as I dont call her nor does she call me. I haven't responded as I dont think I should correct? or should I? It is so rare for her to contact me and usually only if she needs something.
well, trying she gave me a one sentence email tonite telling me as of july 22 her new phone number. Kind of strange though because she doesn't call me and I dont call her...
yeah I told you so So pleased for you Don't ring her, remember babysteps. Don't ring her, just send her an email back saying "thanks for the new number, hope you are well" and then sign off with your name. Don't put too much hope into this, she is getting closer but still has a long way to go! I bet that's given you a PMA You are now officially on the emotional roller coaster, lol. Let her keep on contacting you, don't contact her unless you need to. Keep working on yourself and looking after yourself.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I understand, baby steps. I mean whatever the reason for giving me her new phone number, the fact is she has not said anything about being in a new place nor given me her address. Being she is some 900 miles away, it's not like I would be showing up at her door........
My H started off with this ice coldness towards me in the beginning, I don't see it so much now - if at all!