Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[mamabird]

Hello guys. Thanks again for your support. In the last month, things have continued to improve, which is really great news. H seems to be letting go of some of his stuff and the communication is getting easier. We haven't made much progress with Gottman but I think the key is that neither of us are so invested in "being right". This is helping a lot.

I've been reading a book called "The Gaslight Effect". I am pretty sure that this is what was happening to me in my M. Gaslighting is where one partner manipulates the other person, sometimes maliciously. It is intended to make the gaslightee feel unbalanced and sometimes crazy. The most interesting thing I learned is that this results partially from the gaslightee's need for approval. So as I needed more and more approval, this behavior from my H just got worse and worse.

I am enjoying H's company more these days. My birthday was last week and we had a nice time. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything anymore and I feel happier. I do still have that need for approval though, so I am working on it.

Hopeful, glad you liked my blog. I hated the Paleo diet, but I lost about 5 lbs and am trying to keep it off. Just trying to reduce the sugar and carbs. It is nice to be treated like you deserve to be treated, as you say. This friend sounds supportive but think carefully about what you want. In my case I was unwilling to give up OM1's friendship even though it put my marriage at risk. My M was in such a bad place at the time that I didn't care. Come what may, I said.

In any case, I am glad to be a year out from all of this and recovering. My IC tells me I never really dealt with all the emotional abuse that my husband inflicted on me, plus the drama from having cancer and lack of support at my job, coupled with moving and my oldest son starting school... It was a lot to take in over the span of about 5 years. I'm more of a "forge ahead" type gal so I put all that anxiety into anything that was not painful ... Which is why I was so focused on OM1 - a lot of it was distraction from a painful reality. So now I probably have to figure out how to continue to process everything that has happened.

Will check in again soon!