Blindsided

[chl0901]

Hi, I just read up on your sitch. So have you finished the whole DB book?

Hi Tallula, I have not finished of DB yet. I am about halfway through at this point. I took a break to read the 5LL book over the past couple of days when I realized I actually had that book in a box. I am only able to read DB in small increments, as I do not want other people or H to see me reading it (since I haven't told anyone else about our issues). After I finish, I will do a post on my thoughts.

One of my H's complaints was that I had stopped initiated sex. So, I do now. But, I also don't take it personal when he doesn't want too. When it did hurt my feelings, I never showed it to him. Sometimes, we just don't want it, ha.

I need to work on the not taking it personally...

WTG on getting in shape!!! DON'T JUDGE YOUR SUCCESS BY THE SCALE!! Especially if you are weight training. When I started lifting I went down a size and lost not one pound. I'm very passionate about health and fitness (I'm a personal trainer), so I so believe in the power of working out to help with stress relief. Keep it up!!

Thank you! I am really committed and motivated on the getting into better shape. Yes, I've never done any sort of weight training before this, but I've been told that even doing it a couple of times a week (which is what I'm currently doing in addition to my cardio) can cause some weight gain from muscle. I knew I shouldn't have gotten onto the scale in the first place the other day but it was tempting since I was seeing some little changes and I guess just seeing the number the same caught me off guard. Good bye, scale! Your comments about this make me feel even better.

I would definately keep up the touching and initate now and again, but if/when he turns you down, just say "OK... :coy smile: let me know if you change your mind!" Being playful about it helps. Also, I realized that I had stopped...um, giving without getting if you know what I mean. And 9 times out of 10 it always ends in ML anyway. Sex is fun, make it FUN!!!

I think I will let some more time pass and then maybe try to initiate again and see what happens, since H has complained many times in the past that he wanted me to initiate more. After being rejected though recently, I took it personally and it hurt my feelings. I guess I'll just wait and see how things are going and if we are doing better in that area, then I may try to initiate and see how H reacts.

Yeah, it is really confusing and frustrating trying to figure a WAS out. The thing is, they often act very calm and confident on the outside but inside they're usually in a lot of turmoil over what they're doing. There's a part of them that tells them they need to do what they can to save their family, but another part that tells them they need to walk away and start a new life. It's a constant back-and-forth struggle. They try to hide it, and they definitely don't talk about it! But it shows in their inconsistent and confusing actions. They usually don't even know why they do some of the things they do, that's why it's best to just leave them to it and not ask them any questions about it.

If he's upset, he definitely isn't showing me! I think he just thinks if he leaves and dates the OW that they will have some fairy tale romance and life (typical WAS thoughts, from what I've seen so far on here and in the books). I am definitely not going to bring up our M unless he wants to talk about it. And hopefully me continuing to do my GALs and 180s will show him that I'm actually not as bad as he currently thinks I am.

Rest assured, he notices. He won't acknowledge them, but he does notice. Just keep at it. It takes the WAS many months before they start believing the LBS's 180s are real and not just tricks to get them back.

Thanks, AS! I've been hoping he's noticing, but I guess he would be since other people are starting to notice!