//She may be a love addict instead of a sex addict, but there is something definitely peculiar going on here. //
Absolutely. There is something about being pursued by men that she is extremely drawn to. It does something to her emotionally that she just can't get from being a wife and mother.
But, I don't think she is looking for sex. I do believe, however, that she would be willing to provide sex to get her fix, and would be willing to lie about it. I just assume the affairs are physical.
It really does'nt matter anymore. Our marriage is ending.
When negotiating the financials with her, remember NOT to go in with your best offer. Leave yourself room for give in the negotiations. If you make your best offer first, she'll just want more.
Expect more craziness from her - she'll be unhappy when she really realizes the financial implications of divorce.
Will you be trying to keep the house? Is there equity in the home? Are you willing to trade her the equity in the home (let her keep it) in exchange for, say a reduction in alimony or a bigger share of the retirement funds? Can she qualify to refinance the home in her own name? (Definitely don't let her have the home if your name is still gonna be on the mortgage).
I am going to try and keep the house (I don't think she can afford it). After the market tanked, there is little to no equity. I would like to ask for full custody and want to allow the kids to stay in their rooms and by their friends.
This is going to be a real hard sell. But, a 50/50 arrangement will be so complicated and one of us would have to get a new place and fully furnish it for 3 kids. It would be very expensive.
The rest is pretty complicated. I did lay it all out and review it with the lawyer based on what my W had asked for in January. She thought it was pretty reasonable.
She's not likely to go for you having full custody (there's a shame factor for women who lose custody of their kids) but a 50:50 custody arrangement will likely mean she won't actually TAKE her full 50% at the moment (since she's got to have free time for her midlife crisis carousing). I suspect if you end up with 50:50, you will actually have the kids more than 50% of the time.
Whoever moves out will still have to get a home with room enough for the kids, even if they're only there on weekends.
Are you sure YOU can afford the house? Many times the LBS wants to hold on to the old house for the sake of the kids - but just be sure that it is actually a sound financial decision for YOU.
Having trouble sleeping. Anxious about the future. I drafted an initial divorce proposal today. I really hate the idea of getting a divorce, but I don't know what else to do.
I have no real relationship with my W anymore. We live in the same house, but that is about it. She openly focuses her attention on other men. She has 2 more trips planned to Haiti to see OM this year.
She won't be discrete about what she is doing. Our home is a war zone. I am hurting, the kids are hurting. I know I need to do this.
The sad part is that she hates the idea of getting a divorce too. Why can't she see that I can't live like this?
She says these men are just friends. I would be a complete fool to believe that. She wants to know what she can do to stay married?
I have no idea. I need a real wife and I need to be loved. I know there is no other answer but divorce, but I can't stop thinking that I am making a mistake and should just give her more time to work through this.
I wish she would just move out. Then life would be bearable, and I could give her the time and space she needs. But, she won't move out, so here we are.
At least the process is moving forward. I can wallow in my indecision and second guessing all night, but it doesn't stop the process from moving forward. I just need to accept this decision and resolve to let the process move forward. I want this to be over.
Hang tough Rock, this just might be the move that you need to make for yourself and kids. Someday she'll pop out of this, remember to lovingly detach, and that, that when that someday comes, she'll remember you treated her with respect while she was chipping away at life at full speed. For now its about protecting you/kids/home, and theres nothing wrong with that.
