Based on my web research and discussion with L, I have a pretty good idea of what to expect. My W does also, which is why L encouraged us (if possible) to come to an equitable agreement without involving L. Each of our L could then review and concur that it is equitable.
She said that if we can come to terms this way, we will save a ton of money and acrimony.
I believe my W's resistance to D is anxiety over the process and concerns of being able to manage without me. If we could put something together that resolves this anxiety, I think she would be extremely willing to work with me on an agreement.
I also think she would be very generous with my long term savings (401k, pension, etc), house and custody arrangements, if I was willing to assume more than my share of short term debt and higher short term spousal support.
I really want to help her with this transition so she can lose her resentment toward me and really begin dealing with her issues. Regardless of what she thinks, I am not the source of her unhappiness.
