He had 3 friends his age die last year plus his grandfather. I've read the death of peers is a trigger for MLC. He has said word for word a lot of the things I've read about in the surviving your husband's mid life crisis book.
It is true that the death of people CAN trigger MLC. So can a lot of other things.
However, generally, unless there was some other trauma from the past, that stunted or caused one to skip a transition period in their growing up, most people can handle crisis like death of someone close without having a MLC.
I am not trying to talk you into or out of anything. MLC is NOT a diagnosable mental disorder as far as the psychiatric community is concerned. We each have to make that choice on our own.
It isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy.
Originally Posted By: sthelen
Before this, I honestly would have said our marriage was darn near perfect. He has said himself he was "blissfully happy"
Based on the fact that you are here, I am going to question this statement a bit.
I am not saying you didn't have a good M, most of us had pretty ok relationships, or at least fixable issues, IF there had been good communication.
And they may not have been big issues...
In my new R, I have a bit of a problem. Ok, it isn't MY problem, it's actually my BF's problem.
I have a habit of not closing cabinet doors or drawers all of the way.
I get them 95% closed. Most of the time.
It isn't something that bothers me at all. I don't even notice it quite frankly.
On the other hand, it drives my BF absolutly nuts.
Finally, he said something to me about it.
Now, this isn't going to be the cause of a break up...now or in the future.
However, it has the potential to be an underlying factor.
For a few reasons.
Eventually, if I continue doing something that makes him crazy, he is going to develop frustration and resentment regarding it.
So it begins the list of small annoyances that we develop when we live with someone.
Secondly, if I choose not to try to be more conscious about the open drawers and cabinets by closing them (which I do make an effort to do now that I am aware of it), my not trying to change my behavior, which to me is innocuous, shows him that he isn't being heard. Or respected.
Which becomes a bigger issue that could be the reason he might choose to leave me.
We all have things that we don't really even think are problems but they can be.
So no relationship is perfect.
When we are aware of the "small" "illegitimate" complaints, and we do nothing to acknowledge them and change, they turn into bigger problems and we are partly to blame for that.
So I would like to to think a little harder, about things that maybe didn't really seem like a big deal to you, that maybe really were a big deal to him...
That is where the 180's begin.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
