I'm so glad your w is not mean. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's nice that at least you can do some things together. The bike ride sounds like fun. I haven't done that in ages.
I know h also needs validation about himself. OW is very needy I think so she was probably giving him all kinds of compliments. I make sure I do that now but it is hard to do that when we were arguing a lot before bd. Not saying that was right, just saying that's how it was.
Good for you for giving her the compliments. She will start to see the light. It sure doesn't seem like she has OM with the things she says. So far I think you have done a great job of warding them off.
34 years together and going through this has to be tough. We have been together for 28 and it's hard. I have been with him for more than half my life. With the recent change to mean h I don't know if we will make it through. I am still willing to try but don't think h ever will.
Keep up your good work. I am envious.
M 48 H 50 M 25 T 27 D 20,18,15 6/11 H filed 3/12 H dropped 4/12 H moved out
34 years together and going through this has to be tough. We have been together for 28 and it's hard. I have been with him for more than half my life.
Yes it is tough. When W and I met we were 16 and 18... still kids. We've spent our entire adult life together. It's extremely difficult for me to imagine us no longer being a team, but I know I'll be ok if it comes to that.
I admire any couple who has been together for decades. It means they must have been doing something right. It also means they have a M well worth standing for, even if that stand lasts for years. I want to make sure I leave no stone unturned, and have no regrets, just like all the veteran DB'ers here.
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With the recent change to mean h I don't know if we will make it through. I am still willing to try but don't think h ever will.
You don't know that. H doesn't know right now either. Just stick to your DB plan and know that you'll be ok in the end.
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Keep up your good work. I am envious.
I have my bad moments/days just like everyone else here. I don't always post about them. The trick for me is to not get caught up in my feelings. Feelings come and go. Instead focus on your plan. (which should be rock solid, but can also be adjusted as you go)
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W spends a lot of time on her iPad. Reading, posting and writing. Sometimes she tells me stuff she's looking at, things people have posted. Other times she's smirking while on it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder/worry about what she's reading/posting. So far I've resisted to the urge to ask or say anything about it, because I know nothing good can come from it.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I have my bad moments/days just like everyone else here. I don't always post about them. The trick for me is to not get caught up in my feelings. Feelings come and go.
You have that exactly right, FY. I would be worrried about you if you didnt have those feelings from time to time. All part of this.
W spends a lot of time on her iPad. Reading, posting and writing. Sometimes she tells me stuff she's looking at, things people have posted. Other times she's smirking while on it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder/worry about what she's reading/posting. So far I've resisted to the urge to ask or say anything about it, because I know nothing good can come from it.
My friend, the fact that she tells you about some, leads me to believe there is anything at all for you to be concerned about. Doesnt serve you well to worry about it, though, right?
Forever, you wrote: "Yes it is tough. When W and I met we were 16 and 18... still kids. We've spent our entire adult life together. It's extremely difficult for me to imagine us no longer being a team, but I know I'll be ok if it comes to that.
I admire any couple who has been together for decades. It means they must have been doing something right. It also means they have a M well worth standing for, even if that stand lasts for years. I want to make sure I leave no stone unturned, and have no regrets, just like all the veteran DB'ers here."
Thanks for the encouragement! I've been married to my H for 3/4 of my whole life, and all of my adult life. I'm not really up to overturning any stones recently, but do think my marriage is worth standing for, and plan to keep standing, with your help and your good example. Thanks.
It sounds like you had a nice weekend. Sorry W makes it a bit difficult for you, when she wears those teensy bike shorts. At least you got to adjust that saddle LOL! Do you think your W is aware of the effect she has on you? I have zero effect on my H lately, but other women still do stir him up sometimes.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Good advice FY. I keep telling myself to stay focused on my plan. Unfortunately I let him get to me sometimes. Especially when he's mean. I just think to myself, what is your problem, why do you have to be so mean? He is making himself miserable.
M 48 H 50 M 25 T 27 D 20,18,15 6/11 H filed 3/12 H dropped 4/12 H moved out
Sounds like things are going well. (And Linda is right, you are such a man, jeez :))
I know that it can be frustratingly slow progress but try to be grateful that there is forward progress in your relationship, that she will talk to you and spend time with you, that there is no OM.
Sounds like things are going well. (And Linda is right, you are such a man, jeez :))
I know that it can be frustratingly slow progress but try to be grateful that there is forward progress in your relationship, that she will talk to you and spend time with you, that there is no OM.
Isn't it human nature to never be satisfied, always want more?
Sure, W talks to me... as little as possible much of the time.
Yes, she'll spend some time with me, but absolutely refuses to have fun while doing it. Going out with friends is WAY more fun. She even makes sure to not laugh at my jokes, even though others we are with are doing so.
While of course I'm glad there's no OM, I wonder if it's something she'll need to "do", to see what she's missing/not missing. Thoughts? Either way, she doesn't seem to be pursuing it.
Last night, while we were doing our weekly grocery shopping, W told me how GF backed out of going to the driving range with her this Friday after work, "because it might be too hot". W was clearly disappointed, and told GF "That's fine. It's not like I'm married to the outing".
Considering what we are going through now, her choice of words made me giggle and smile inside.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
She'd be uncomfortable knowing I was checking her out. 