B, I am really sorry that your situation has escalated. I'm glad you'll be talking to your attorney. Try not to worry. If I remember correctly, your h came to your home and demanded the tax documents. When you refused to turn them over he should have left, especially since your children were present. His behavior was threatening.
It's really unfortunate that OW is spurring him on. Neither of them is acting rationally. You are wise to only communicate in writing. Choose your words carefully and keep everything.
You will survive this, B. Work toward settling the finances so that you have autonomy. Try not to think about saving your M right now. Continue to make changes that you deem necessary to become your very best. Create a life of peace and harmony for you and the boys. Decide who you want to be and work toward that. With goals in place you won't have the mental space to think about your h.
Lots of M's can rebound even after OP and challenging events. Leave that to the future and focus on you and the boys today.
