Absolutely there are things that could be worked on and I'm willing to address them.
It all comes down to him being consumed by work and me being wrapped up in the kids and not spending enough time with each other.
But, I can't fix that when he's gone.
This was a huge problem for me that I didn't see until BD, and really during our separation. My kids had become my focus. During S, I was able to focus more on me, hobbies and my friends. While I still did my hobbies and hung with friends, my kids were always first. If I was talking on the phone and my kids unterupted...kids. If H and I were talking and on of my kids came up and said something or cried...kids first. Now, they don't interupt, even at 4 and 2...because I started telling them not to, and then WOW...backed it up. One of my fears of letting H move back was that all my me time would be gone. But it's not. My H and I can now have a pleasant conversation for at least 5 minutes at a time, ha.
I go out with my girlfriends more and do things for myself. While I may have done that in the past, I use to feel guilty. I DO NOT feel guilty now. I need that time. H and I do lots of date nights now. It's really, really amazing. I'm Tallula first, not mom first anymore. And my kids are thriving and becoming so much more independent and our relationships are stronger than ever!
You can work on all of this now, you NEED to! Rediscover you, if you aren't!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
