I'm all for being extraordinary. Good goal. With it comes confidence and grace. Extraordinary is magnetic. It attracts. I'm with ya on this one Kate. Being committed to DBing is a great foundation for being extraordinary. A great place from which to build a life that is amazing and beautiful. Back56
I want to reflect back what Bond said about the romanticism part of the H-XGF relationship. I CAN tell you for a fact that these thoughts and feelings are temporary based on the tons of letters I've recently read that my father has received from the wives, from GFs, and other bit players in the drama that they ALL have ended their A's. Every SINGLE one of them has died a natural death.
And would you know that my father and stepmother did reconcile after all that drama!? Yep...they did. So hold on to that thought, Ruby.
I thought of you actually Wonka, and all the letters. I thought it was fascinating the history behind them and a look into what the partners were thinking!!
Positives are that I asked him yesterday if he was blowing me off, he said no. He reminded me we still have two dates up and coming.
He is still selling pricey coffee machine,( gift from ex, therapist said get rid of everything) or at least said he was...lol.
I'm great, lady!! Itchin' for more running! I've got my last 5k in 2 weeks...I'll be 38 weeks. Trying to run is little butt right out!
It hurts to see that stuff, but remember, it it NOT a real love. It's just not. Real love is baby puke on your shirt, and morning breathe. Whoever doesn't love that, isn't worth it to me. I'll take that over rainbows and butterflies any day! Rainbows fade...morning breathe is forever.
Hahahaha!! I literally lol'd...
I am so sorry your hurting again ruby. Unconditional love is unconditional however it does not mean we keep allowing ourselves to be in pain. It's tough but you need to stop putting expectations on his actions, he seems to move closer and you attach then something like this happens and bam a kick in the gut.
How can you maintain a loving relationship and somewhat protect your already hurting heart??? Is it simply a decision??? For me it was, my counselor asked me why I was angry at my W and I of course listed my grievances and she said "well forgive her, it really is that simple". Guess what? it was that simple. I still have emotions over my situation however the anger is just gone. Can it be that simple with detaching as well, simply a decision that we make?? Food for thought.
p.s. In my opinion your already extraordinary, just be yourself...
Luv ya, take care ((((R))))
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Thinking of you, Ruby. That's a tough thing to find.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Ruby, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Don’t you wish now you haven’t found the letter? Do you think your H intentionally left it there for you to find? In any case this is such a heartless thing to do on his part. I’m glad you are taking it in strides. This is definitely a step back, but I’m sure there will be more steps forward for you. (((((hugs)))))
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Ruby, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Don’t you wish now you haven’t found the letter? Do you think your H intentionally left it there for you to find? In any case this is such a heartless thing to do on his part. I’m glad you are taking it in strides. This is definitely a step back, but I’m sure there will be more steps forward for you. (((((hugs)))))
Subconsciously, maybe it was left on purpose. Wasn't really hidden, in a pile of receipts etc. It was good to find it, but hard to hear me represented to GF like that. Although I do notice that he didn't mention the sheer amount of time we had spent together since January. MY bet is she still has and won't ever have, any idea.
Floyd!! Good to hear from you!! Want to come to Boston??? I see your D date posted, but I think this is okay. How is the relationship with W? and how is the burgeoning romance with awesome lady??
Last night I kind of had an epiphany:
While it hurt me, I realized I felt worse for H. Having been through all these emotions when he left (and I was not stupid in love at that point) I could understand and empathize with what he felt.
I have so much in my life and I am so blessed to have friends who stuck by me and my kids etc. Thanks to H, we don't worry about finances.
I guess after the initial "shock" wore off, I was able to look a little closer at these emotions.
Thanks for being there, everyone, I just needed to ramble and tell someone! LOL
Wow, Ruby, sorry that you read that. At the same time, after the inital shock and emotions, it may help you with your understanding of H and how you move forward.
Clearly he has guilt over what he did. And clearly he feels something towards you if he needed to make sure you would be ok. From some of your posts, I felt like your H was cake eating with you to keep you on the hook while he and XGF worked through some things.
I understand trying to love unconditionally each time you get kicked in the gut. I'm starting to feel numb at this point in my life.
You are right that H would turn to you in a time of need. I've been though that. The fact that you have so many years together cannot be replaced so quickly by a "teenage love", which is what XGF is.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
