Well, there was a serious lack of intimacy between us. Somewhere somehow it seemed to just become lost between us. I have struggled for the past two years in getting employment. Having travelled distances for interviews etc. finances became an issue and many times she aked me to get anything for work but I kept saying I had to go for the job needed to support us so she wouldnt have to work. I guess the simpilest way to explain our M is that I created most of the problems and I have no problem accepting this. As things became worse I became more and more unresponsive to what she was saying and asking me to do. I became so wrapped up in how things were not working out that I became very negative. I know in my heart now this affected her dearly. Even though we were still doing little things for each other like cooking and me serving her dinners on a tray, getting her what she needed, watching tv together and even talking but not the intimate kind of discussions it certainly wasn't she was wanting. As I think about things now there were several times she almost seemed like she was pleading with me to do certain things that sadly I ignored. And this is where I am now, deeply concerned that the way she is not willing to speak to me and the way she left without telling me anything until after she was gone leads me to believe one of two things. One, that she has completely given up on us and just plans on proceeding forward towards a D. Or two, that as I believe she still cares about me BUT, does not want to hurt me further by telling me she is planning to D. She knows how much I feel about her. Unfortunately, I did not show her this for the past few years like I should of and I own up to this now fully. As I mentioned in my previous posts for the past almost 10 weeks now our contact is limited to emails and almost always have to be initiated by me. If she iniates a contact it's because of something she needed and all her emails are 1 or 2 lines. She has not used the word DIVORCE yet but then again she hasn't said much of anything. She is now living in a Condo her son rented for her and even has a part time job. She has not told me about her own place her daughter had told me about it a couple of weeks ago.Her most recent contact with me was a couple of days ago responding to my email telling her that I sent some of her mail for her and that I was hoping she is doing well. She responded by thanking me and to let me know she had put in a change of address. She also informed that she was sending me a small box of pictures she found and closed by saying "I hope your doing well also!" I'm just trying to see how I can get her talking whether I like what she might tell me or not. She simpley isn't wanting to say much to me. Like so many others here that have admitted they part in what has happened I am lost as to what to do now. If this goes on how long can it go before all is lost? or is all lost right now? I am working on GAL and I will say I haven't really done the begging pleading thing because of this lack of contact from her. Maybe she figures I would go into the begging pleading mode and even after 10 weeks she doesn't want to hear or face this. I know I wont beg and plead but I do have thoughts I would like to tell her accepting the blame and letting her know I understand now the hurt and pain I put her through. Again, we never fought, never any physical abuse and now as I recall she stated this a while back when she was telling me about a phone converstaion she had with her son. How I was not physical and that I was a good person. Anyways, this is a difficult situation to try and get to the bottom of.
Thanks for looking at my posts DRMOD....I look forward to anything you or anyone else might have to say....
I worked for 9 of the 12 years. The past 2.5 years however became very difficult to get work. She had a few jobs but never lasted for long. I have 2 D's but they were out of the home by 2000.She seemed to have things to say over the past year. I was really struggling to get work and she knew this. But, as I struggled stress became an issue on both of us. I became a sloppy dresser and started putting on some pounds. she suggested a few times to take whatever I could get and honestly I only gave that a half hearted effort.Kept telling her during this time how i wanted nothing more to get a position where she didnt have to work. Her family where we were liked me. Her other family seemed to accept me ok but there was never any real relationship with them as they lived far away.Her son was friendly enough but towards me but i always felt how they might of been questioning how we seemed to move around so much. But that was something my W and I both agreed on before doing.
Well anyway's, this is so very frustrating. Can't get my waw to even speak with me. As Ive said previously, she is in a nice place that her son is paying for.it's 10 weeks since I took her to the airport for her visit to her granddaughters graduation and I just see no way to do anything since she wont talk. Am I to just keep quiet and not reach out? She seems to be the one going dark......
Yes as a matter of fact i have been getting lots of exercise and I have dropped 35 lbs as of yesterday. So I plan to keep that up. Been applying for positions that I qualify for which I so desperatly need to do, get back to work to keep my mind off things. My fixation is that reading DR there is no real answers to having a spouse that is now 900 miles away and seems to be settling in. Of course I understand there are no real answers or magic wand that can bring a WAS back. Just in a majority of these sitch there is a certain amout of interaction where something can actually be tried. So, maybe I should just quit iniating these emails period. It's the only way to draw her out but one or two sentence reply for sure isn't anything to look forward to work with.....Her daughter (married with children) talks with me on occasion but I try hard to not ask about her mom anymore. She doesn't want us to D but says her mom isn't talking even with her about the sitch. I tend to believe her also. I mentioned I have accepted I cant do or control anything except for myself and that I would be happy just to know her mom is okay. She told me she was except for a health issue with swollen feet because of water retention which isnt good. She has had that problem before. Anyways thanks for your support MRBOND. It does help to talk stuff out....
This sounds a lot like our sitch, except he's the one that moved out! My H hasn't worked either for a while, it's hard to get work over here in the UK. Like your W, I wanted him to get what he could but I couldn't motivate him. Now he has moved out, he's started dieting, working out at the gym and looking for work. He has his own business as well and that is building up nicely I guess as well as stress, you both have been depressed about the lack of money and job prospects. I was the one who lacked intimacy because my libido was low due to medication. Since I've come off it, I did initiate intimacy a lot more this year, but I think it was a little too late. MY H moved out shortly after this. My H also put on lots of weight and some days wouldn't move off the sofa. These days it's hard to get hold of him as he spends most of his time working. If only he was more motivated here, I would have been more motivated as well. If I was you, I would stop contacting your wife via email. I take it you've read Sandi's rules? It tells you there not to contact them via email, except if it's to do with the kids or finances. I bet you when you stop contacting her via email, she will start contacting you more. She will start to be curious as to why you've not emailed her, but you must remain mysterious Be friendly in your replies to her, but don't tell her what you've been up to. Just acknowledge what she's been up to and be interested in what she has to say. Don't ask her what she's been up to though, let her take the lead in this. Well done for losing the weight When you first start dieting, you will find at first it will fall off easily. After you've lost about a stone it slows down. I know as I've lost a stone and a half and can't seem to shift any extra weight. Everyone has been commenting on my weight loss and how well I'm looking They think it's because of my sitch, but I tell them that has nothing to do with my weight loss! I've been trying to lose weight since last September and since I've been doing my own cooking, it's been easier to give myself smaller portions H did the cooking when he was here and always gave me man sized portions, lol. He enjoys cooking and so this wasn't a chore for him. I'm happy to have my kitchen back and if there is going to be a R then that is one of the things I want to carry on with
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Hi Trying, Firt off I'm sorry to hear about your sitch. I find it curious that he was the one to leave. It is so easy to start piling on lbs when your stressed out sitting around wondering what to do about getting descent job. All I can say is I meant well in my job searches, I really did. Just seemed everything was too hard when it came to getting employment.And yes, I was stressed but, my WAW and I really never fought so I guess we both just suffered apart during this period. I know your probably right that I should stop initiating contact. I wait about 2 weeks and the when I dont hear from her i end up coming up with a somewhat valid reason to shoot her a short email. Such as when I was sending her mail to her and emailing her with a heads up it was heading her way. She went ahead and had her mail get forwarded by the post office directly now after initially asking me to do it for her. I had said she needed to do it online as there's an affidavit on there that the person requesting was indeed the one asking. I just dont imagine somehow that she will be curious with what I'm up to. two and a half months no real anything from her and it just feels like she wants done. But I guess we we can find out. Its been a week since our last email so I will just plan to go from that. I just dont feel it though.....
Be Patient Z, it's going to take longer than a week for her to start being curious. Give it a month at the most and if you don't hear from her then then drop her a quick two liner just asking how she is. I think though that you will hear from her within the month.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
