M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Once again - The upping of the Wellbutrin has really helped.
I am at 199.0 - I did it! Its my college weight. I need 6-8 more to be considered "Normal" BMI.
I am working on my co- dependency issues by making SELF a stronger individual. I noticed that after W left I was Co-D using D3.
Its Bad
So I went to the beach.........with myself. So many monsters in my head giving me ample reasons why NOT to do it. Overwhelming, what will I do all day? Will I be the only one alone- Will all the other couples and happy families look, laugh and see me as the lonely looser?
What I learned BY GOING MYSELF is that I think some folks were jealous of me. I didnt have anyone nagging me or arguing with me. no other persons a$$ to kiss or the sense that i was responsible to make sure that everyone around me was having a good time.
I was responsible for me and it was f'ing weird.
I LOVE my wife but it took this step to open my eyes to the fact that If I wanted to do something, and I wanted my wife to go, that I was always so focused on her emotions that I may not have enjoyed myself.
Im also thinking about tomorrow and the FUTURE as I have no control over what W will do. If SHE gives up on us and files for D I now understand that the stronger I am going into that awful process that the faster a recovery will be.
There is a whole lot of happiness out there somewhere- I just need to find it...........and I will!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Yay! Yay! Yay! You should be super proud of yourself PS! On so many levels. Always the RockStar!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
So I went to the beach.........with myself. So many monsters in my head giving me ample reasons why NOT to do it. Overwhelming, what will I do all day? Will I be the only one alone- Will all the other couples and happy families look, laugh and see me as the lonely looser?
What I learned BY GOING MYSELF is that I think some folks were jealous of me. I didnt have anyone nagging me or arguing with me. no other persons a$$ to kiss or the sense that i was responsible to make sure that everyone around me was having a good time.
And that was a perfect positivespin
BTW I am envious of you! I could spend all day at the ocean, so powerful yet so calming...
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I am slowly being driven insane by my surroundings and I need a change............
Up here most of us live in old farmhouses- ours is about 180 years old. I loved the homes character, the town and the land. I had dreams of having a family and creating memories
The home is one of those old homes where if something doesnt look right- there is a reason. Why is there wallpaper? because there are 12 layers below it. Why is there a wall here? Because the family a few families back wanted all the kids to have their own room.
It had a big garage and workshop and a inground pool. I envisioned it as my sanctuary- The place I could escape to with the ones I love most. All big extended family holidays were at my house. I cooked for everyone........because thats my love.
Today, I have a mouse problem, small animal problem (woodchuck?), tiny ants everywhere and these little fruit fly looking things flying everywhere............oh, and my pool is a algae infested swamp that has a leak
My house is VERY clean. I clean AND we have a twice monthly service that comes in- its just the way it is up here i guess (thats what Im told by the "Natives")
Im trying to work on myself- get stronger, detach and be a AWESOME daddy to D3. THOSE are my priorities- everything else is overwhelming and driving me insane.
Im trying to eliminate the pests and get the pool going because I NEED TO SELL THE HOUSE . Its just another reminder of my crushed dream and too much of my $$$ is going to it.
Here is the kicker- its in my W name. We did this because her credit allowed us to eliminate PMI. I am staying at the house because I am primary parent for D3 and I wanted her to have stability of her bedroom- PLUS I wanted things to go back to what they were.
Now im at a stage where I need to shake everything up- but I cant.This house is killing me- We had 10 viewings and no offers- Not good.
I feel like my life is in a holding pattern until this piece changes. It was the house of my dreams for my family. Now its WAY to much house for me to maintain...........
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Morning PS. I can relate to the house killing you. I am feeling the same way! It's hard to detach when everywhere you look is a memory. A friend of mine suggested that I rearrange the furniture, remove pictures of "us" and put up pictures of me! I haven't done it yet. I'm thinking if my W leaves again that I will... Maybe it would help you feel more like it's your own space instead of empty space... At least until you can sell?
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
